Early one morning

When I started this blog I had something to say. I had some attitude, and I was happy that I had found a place to express myself.
Maybe it was because for years I had no where to write.
As time has gone by, I feel more free from the 'attitude'. Only occasionally do I feel angry and compelled to swear about some stupid thing man is getting up to somewhere on the planet.
I think, perhaps with age, I am more accepting of the human condition, and the strange situation we exist in.

Does nothing matter?

I've always been fascinated by nothing. I like the way it is made of two words, 'no thing'.

Sometimes I try to experience nothing. I actually really like it. But if I am honest, it's not really nothing. What I am talking about is 'no thoughts'. There is still something going on there though - I am still alive. It is a deeply peaceful place.

Maybe when I die, that is truly nothing.

Does nothing exist?

You can take the meat-eater out of the farmer, but you can't take the farmer out of the vegetarian

So Far
Fourteen sheep lambed - seven to go. Sixteen live lambs and two dead.



Nine cows calved - two to go. Eight healthy calves and one dozy one on a bottle.



One horse foaled - one to go.



And Chloe's afterbirth

This is unbelievable.

On Good Friday I made my confession online, and this morning, Easter day, I received Holy Communion, delivered to me in a polystyrene container by a courier van. It came complete with a DVD of a conveniently shortened version of Easter mass.

So without moving my arse more than ten metres my soul was cleansed. I have to say I do find it heartening that the church has embraced the computer age in this way. Not only convenient for me, but also green for the planet. I call that a win win situation!

Frank, I love you.

Inspired by Leni I just had to put this up. It's long but stick with it - it's a blast!

Taking a break

To the last few readers - I'm taking a break. Really busy on other stuff. Hope to come back soon.
Love
Tom

A day in the life...

5th March 2009

Woke up this morning to three inches of snow. I set off across the fields with some barley and haylage for the sheep. They were pleased to see me. I have been feeling the temporary nature of existence a lot recently. Yesterday the air ambulance landed at a farm over the valley – I still don’t know why. I breathed in the morning air and thought to myself ‘we hang here in life by a thread’.

I haven’t written any of the book for five days now. Sometimes it seems like such a huge task that I just can’t get started. Then at night I lie in bed writing it in my head. Next day I turn the computer on and do anything rather than write. I have my doubts about this book, but I won’t let that stop me from writing it.

About 10.15 I set off across the moor to Haytor where I have been invited to a meeting about ‘sustainable tourism’. I told the guy I thought the title itself was an oxymoron, and he agreed with me. There were about ten of us there and I listened to what everyone had to say. Some pretty idealistic people there, mixed in with a few realists, plus me feeling pretty cynical about the whole thing. There seems to be a whole class of people who basically just live having meetings. Some of them, even most of them, are good people for sure, and some of them know their stuff, but a lot of it is worlds away from trying to make a living out of an honest business. Truth be told, I’m not sure if honest business is the best way to go any more. Most businesses these days seem to make their money from what is politely known as ‘funding’, or what might be more correctly called ‘hand outs’.

I met up with Ed at the meeting, an old acquaintance from when we lived at Haytor. When I said I had no idea why I had been invited to the meeting he shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Well, it’s free heat isn’t it’. I know it was a farmers joke but to be honest, that’s what it has come down to for a huge wodge of the population these days.

One of my favourite sayings of all time is ‘these days’, as if they are any different to any other days (I learnt that from Tolstoy’s book Anna Karenina – just have to drop in the name of a Russian author there so that you all know I am not totally uncultured). In the break Ed filled me in on the details of a few of the local events. Fortunes gained and fortunes lost, that kind of thing. Then we had to fill a form in that asked us if we had found the meeting helpful. Of course I couldn’t resist a rant – something I am getting more prone to doing as the years go by.

So that was today…..so far!!

Important stuff!

What is important in this life?

Money
Sex
Love
Power
Freedom
Warmth
Food
Breath
Air
Water
Peace
and of course, being Earnest.

That's it folks, I'll settle for that lot!

Forty words for snow, my arse!

I have one!
Shite!

What's wrong with swearing?

When I was a kid I couldn't work out why, for no particular reason, some words were forbidden. Now I am grown up and I still have no idea - to me words are just sounds. We were told that it would upset God if we used bad words. If God is upset by such a small thing then he is of no interest to me. Of course, now I know God couldn't give a fuck! All these silly little rules are made up by anal little twats who just can't seem to break free from their tiny little boxes - what's wrong with the fuckers?

Now they are trying to stop people swearing on telly. I heard this lady saying we should go back to using good old fashioned words like 'bother' and 'flibbertygibbet'. Amazingly, I do have another life away from this blog where to a degree I try to behave in a professional manner. I do try not to swear in front of my clients, and I do know I have lost business because of this blog (can you fucking believe that!). I have long wrestled with the moral dilemma of whether I should hide forever my love of the foul mouth for the sake of a few quid.

Do you know, if all those small-mimded twats would shut up, then maybe I wouldn't feel the need to swear quite so much. But for now, it's the 'word police' that make swearing even more fun than perhaps it should be. So bollocks to them, I say!

Beatles v Stones

Remember Oasis v Blur. Well in the 60s it was The Beatles v The Rolling Stones. I was working through some pretty heavy shit when I was a kid, so naturally I was a Stones fan. I liked the Beatles, but for what I needed saying I needed Mick and Keith to say it.

As time went, I guess round about 67/68, the philosophies and images of the the two bands kind of came together. That would be roughly around the time of the albums Sergeant Pepper and Satanic Majesties. Glorious days!

Youtube has this feature that I recently discovered, where they present you with a random selection of songs, compiled depending on your previous requests (yes Vicus, technically not random ok). My list is made up of 80% Beatles tracks, and for some reason quite a few Jethro Tull songs. I have never requested one of those that I remember but I did get a bit into The Soft Machine a while ago - I think Jethro must qualify as Prog rock.

Now as I get older I spend most time listening to The Beatles. I just love the simple words and emotions of the early Beatles songs, and then of course when the psychedelia kicks in, well, I'm like a pig in shit!

Love and Peace brothers and sisters.

Odds on Obama

Evens
He does something really dumb within two weeks.

11-8
Over the next three months it becomes apparent he is as crap as all the other politicians.

2-1
Within four years it becomes painfully obvious that despite all his good intentions, he is as unable to cut through the crap as anyone else has ever been.

5-1
His ratings drop dramatically in the first year as all the hyped up people realise he is full of shit too.

10-1
Sends US troops into action in another country within 12 months.

25-1
Gets out of Iraq within the next 14 months.

50-1
Sees sense and pulls out of Afghanistan.

100-1
Reins in the Israelis and actually makes some progress on improving Palestinian rights.

1000-1
He actually is as good as he seems.

Family Trees

'a dirty load of catholic shagging bastards'

Yes, that's how my dear wife described my family - she has a way with words! This was her measured and thoughtful response to my enthusiam for the release of the 1911 census.

Tribute to Frank

This track is off Frank's classic work 'We're only in it for the money'. When I bought this album in 1968 it said it all for me really. The hippy scene was blossoming, but inevitably 'business opportunities' were opening up and we could see that the seeds of destruction were already well germinated by this time.

By the early 70s the game was up, but we did make some impression. Small it may have been in the great scheme of things, but it's good to get down a marker every now and then - helps keep the monster in check!

New Year 2009

Bollocks to it!

Christmas Day 2008

As I have mentioned before, I have strong connections with the church. My great grandfather was a vicar, and so was his half brother. My father studied to be a priest, but changed his mind. Pretty much all my relations on that side of my family are strong committed church goers - over the years many of them have moved between catholicism and C of E, and in some cases, back again. I was bought up catholic and never believed it for a minute. At my first opportunity, at ten years old when my Mum left and took us all with her, I quit.

I never missed religion - I don't like it.

It seems incredible to me that such organisations can be developed from the life of one person, and somehow create such bizarre logic about life, and make such wild promises about what happens after death. Christianity amazes me. I don't mind people being christians by the way - that's up to them - I'm fine with people believing whatever they want to believe. My father is a devout christian and I have utmost respect for him - he is a truly good person and he gets a huge amount of peace from his religion. I know there are countless millions more people the same way.

Myself, I'm not going to base my life on a possible reward or punishment when I die. To me it seems a bit more relevant to concentrate on what's happening while I am alive. My hunch is that when we die we just go back to where we came from and that's that. Our bodies are composted, our minds are just thoughts - what are thoughts anyway, they don't actually exist physically so I suspect they just go, a bit like a light bulb goes out when you turn the switch off - and our spirit, soul, life energy, or whatever you want to call it, just goes back into the pot from where it came.

I don't mind any of that - I'll be mighty surprised if it's any other way! Like my dear mother in law used to say to me, 'I'll come back and tell you if it's any different'.

Have a nice Xmas - hope you all get the presents you want, and here's hoping all the crazy people who go round causing shit, somehow get more sensible.

Love and Peace.

PS Btw, George believed in re-incarnation.

Happy Xmas to all

If you are a christian, a muslim, a bhuddist, or belong to any religion, if you are an atheist, if you hate religion, if you have a guru, if you don't have a guru, if you are not interested in anything about this kind of stuff, if you are happy to let people have their beliefs as long as they don't bug other people, if you are not happy to let people have their beliefs, if you wish everyone would just fuck off and leave you alone, if you sincerly enjoy everything about Xmas, even the bloody Xmas songs, if you believe in God, even though you have only an imagined idea of what he is, if you believe in God because you think you definitely know what he is, or if you don't give a shit, if you wish the world was a better place, if you think the world is perfect, if you are depressed, elated, or hanging in there on the middle path, if you are young or old, if you have your whole life in front of you, or if you are near to death, if you are fat, thin, ugly, beautiful, hungry, full, sweet, sour, funny, serious, rich, poor, successful or an absolute loser, if you are black, white or coffee coloured, if you are gay, bi, or hetero, if you are happily married, happily single or if you are stuck in some degree of nightmare, if you are nice to be with, if you are a pain in the arse or if you just like taking it up the arse, or if you are something else completely different that is not on this list - Have a happy Xmas if you can, and if you can't, well, good luck in your life.

Life isn't always easy - an old guy I knew quite a few years ago used to say to me, 'let's send our goodwill and good wishes to all living beings'.

Love and peace.

Bloody Blogger

Can you see the comments option on my previous post, cos I can't. I've tried reposting it and it puts it there, and then when I delete the previous post, the comments function bloody well disappears. GRRRRRRRRRRR

I've been listening to this band all week - it's been fun

So let me just describe the rules of Leni’s challenge, which I accepted. By the way, it took me hours but I loved doing it.

1. Post your picture.

2. Choose a favourite band/artist.

3. Answer the questions with titles of the songs of the favourite band/artist.

4. Choose 4 persons who you think might accept the challenge.

* * *

1. My picture - Me with my horse

2. Artist: The Rolling Stones are one of my favourite bands because when I was young they said what I wanted to hear. But as I've got older I listen to a lot more of this little band. I’ve chosen these nine songs – some for the titles and some for the content.

3. Questions:

a. Man or woman - Nowhere man

b. Describe yourself - The fool on the hill

c. What people think about you - The fool on the hill

d. Describe your last relationship - Yesterday

e. Describe the current status of your relationship - And I love her

f. Where would you like to be right now - Here, there and everywhere

g. What do you think about love - She’s (love) so heavy

h. What is your life like - The long and winding road

i. What would you ask for if you had a wish - Flying (freedom)

j. Write down a wise sentence - Tomorrow never knows

The 4 people of my choice whom I challenge - I have decided not to choose anyone, but please, if you would like to take up the challenge, then I choose you.

Love to all!

Books - yep, they're out in the soddin shed!

Ok, I'm going to work my way down the list and the first thing is books. I haven't read one for a while - I hate them. Actually I'm lying there, I have been reading a little book about a horse, written by a friend of mine. I say 'a little book', it's actually quite long, nearly 300 pages, and with very small type, so I'm guessing near 100,000 words.

The author is an Irish gal called Elaine Heney and she writes in what you might call an Irish style. Lots of short stories about life as well as horses, and some nice explanations of how she deals with various situations she gets into with her horse. If you meet El in real life you can hardly understand what she is saying - I think she comes from some remote part of Ireland that has lost touch with the modern world. I'm kind of reading the book hearing her speaking in her accent at the same time - so it's like talking to El and having subtitles, which actually I could do with when I talk to her in real life.

But what I really wanted to talk about, and what I also really like about this book is that it is self published. Hooray for El I say.

* * *

My wife has worked in the publishing world since before I met her (obviously I would have stopped her if I had met her before), and over the years I have come to despise books. Honest books are few and far between, and when you find one it is truly a joy. It doesn't happen often. Most honest books don't make it past the costing stage of the publishing process, and most don't ever see the light of day. Some of us are so desperate to get our names in print we compromise. We allow the publishers to use our ideas and bastardise them into some hideous commercial production, even down to having the title changed.

Some brave souls publish their books themselves and most of those books end up sitting in cardboard boxes out in the shed. I have 350 copies of my first book sitting out there myself. Sarah advised me to publish 500 but me, the eternal bloody optimist, went for a 1000.

My second book was actually commisioned by a publisher. My commisioning editor is a good friend and she allowed me to write my book as I wanted it to be. It was published a few years ago and I am happy to say, I love that little book. I am really grateful that I was given the chance to write it and if I'm honest, I have almost made my career out of it.

My third book sits languishing on my desktop. It's a great little book but it is about as commercial as I am. I originally planned to publish it through Lulu.com, which is a fantastic idea for self-publishing. You can get your book published and printed one copy at a time which hopefully ends the '350 in the shed' situation once and for all. I stalled in the production stages though - you have to produce the book in a pdf file which means you have to have adobe acrobat, I think (am I right?).

So don't back off from writing. The published writers aren't necessarily any better, in fact in a lot of cases they are obviously worse. It's kind of the same as blogging - in a lot of cases the bloggers are better than the paid journalists, and I guess that's why some journalists don't like bloggers. But what I am trying to say here is this - don't ever think writing is the preserve of the 'special few'!