Monday, November 29, 2010


Thank you for visiting my blog. I am taking a break right now. Please feel free to read and hopefully enjoy previous posts.
Kind Regards

Saturday, October 16, 2010

So I never did get too be a rock star!

My favourite age was seventeen. I remember thinking how I had so many years of adventures ahead of me. By then I had realised there was no way I was going to make it in school, and to be honest, after my first job I realised there was no way I was going to make it at work either. So I looked at the alternatives, and actually I did have a few scary months before I fully accepted that I had no other choice but to follow Timothy Leary's advice - 'Turn on, tune in, and drop out'.

And then, almost before I knew it, I had some kids and had to feed them. That didn't go so well for me, moneymaking not being my strongest suit. My first go at family life ended in a messy disaster, but second time around I did better, possibly because my new wife knew how to make a few bob, although I liked to think it was because we loved each other.

Then my kids left home. Suddenly I had all this time to do what I wanted to do. I quickly got used to pleasing myself all day long. I acheived a few things too, for what's that's worth. I learnt a few skills and wrote a few books.

Then suddenly the next age was upon me. This is where I am now - it's called the 'sit around and relax' phase, or as my wife fondly refers to it, 'the lazy fucking bastard' phase. 'Shall I write another book - nah, fuck that. Shall I work in the garden - nah, fuck that! Shall I ride my horse - nah, fuck that! Ah I know, let's see if there's a western on the telly'.

And what's up ahead - well, nothing guaranteed of course, but I reckon it could be something along the lines of more of the same if I'm lucky, or if not, possibly a slow or fast decline back from whence I came.

Thanks for my life so far. I have loved the whole concept of it, and sure, I know I got lucky. Really, looking back, even the bad bits were interesting too.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Do you want a ticket in the lottery of life?

Just imagine this. A few minutes before you are born, someone comes to you and says, 'Now, just before you take this opportunity to live on earth, I want to explain what it involves, and then my dear friend, it's up to you. You get one ticket only. Weigh it up and decide whether you want to go for it.

So here is the deal.

You might be born poor, or you might be born rich.

You will live from no time at all to maybe 100 years.

You will die. You may not know death is coming, or you may be really aware of it.

Your body is capable of having very intense experiences. Some of these things are almost overpoweringly enjoyable. Things like falling in love with another person, or the joy you may feel when you see your children do well in life. These things are balanced by the pain caused by the opposites. You may get toothache so bad you can think of nothing else.

Some people also say that the human body can enjoy the ultimate experience by transcending the opposites of this world and experiencing the infinite.

You may be pretty or ugly. You may be gay or heterosexual. You may be a religeous fanatic. You may be a criminal or a murderer. You may be a really kind good hearted person. You may be a soldier. You may be boring. You may smell. You may be famous or you may be a total nobody. Your body is not guaranteed to be perfect - some bits of it might not work. Also, while you are alive it is possible your body may deteriorate or get damaged at any time. By mistake you may do something that ruins your life. By mistake someone else may do something that ruins your life. By mistake you may ruin someone else's life, or you may do it on purpose. By chance something might happen and your life may get ruined.

You may be born into a peaceful area or you may be born into an area of war. Sometimes in some areas of the world there is no rain for long periods of time and people die in their 1000s from hunger - you may be one of these. Or you may be one of the people who who has plenty of food and you just can't stop eating. You may end up being massive.

You may have to spend long periods of time doing totally irrelevant things for someone else, to make money for yourself to live on.

While you are on earth you may fall in love with other people. They might not necessarily love you. They might though, but they also might die before you do. Sometimes people you love and live with might run off with other people. If you have kids they might die. If you separate from your partner you might lose your kids too.

You may got bored with your partner. He/she may get bored with you. You may be locked in to a situation that means you have to accept this.

If you live long enough to get older you will become more irrelevant. Your options will dwindle. Bits of your body will hurt and stop working. You may have a family around you, but you may not. You may end up in a home for the elderly, or you may just have to rough it out as best you can.

You may be beautiful. You may be rich. You may marry the perfect partner. You may have beautiful children. You may have a beautiful house and a beautiful garden and beautiful cars. At Christmas your family may gather around you and your house might be full of love. Or you may be on your own and no-one even knows about you.

So do you get the picture? Have a think about it? Do you want a ticket?

'Ok yeah, I'll give it a go'

Monday, June 14, 2010

Blogger censorship!

So yesterday two of my Blogger friends had their blogs censored. MJ, who runs a fairly harmless mild porn style blog had her whole blog shut down, and Leni, whose blog occasionally strays into pretty mild sexual stuff and includes the odd nude pic, was initially shut down and then returned with a warning to visitors that it may cause offense.

Since then also, all the comments that MJ and Leni have made on my blog have all disappeared. So what the hell is going on? What gives Blogger the right to remove other peoples work from the internet. Do we need Google to put themselves up as our moral guardians? Was I so involved in the World Cup that I didn't notice we'd been invaded by China?

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The nature of the universe

Just what is all this bollocks about progress making life easier. Where is the evidence exactly? I'd say the illusion of life is as strong now as it ever was. Science has so far totally failed to reveal the true nature of human happiness, and as far as I can see it is still pedalling the myth that somehow solving the smaller mysteries of life is somehow working towards solving the Big One.

That is so much rubbish. The fact is now, the same as it always was, that human happiness is not related to wealth, education, or power. I've seen loads of people with all or some of those things, who anyone can clearly see are not happy. Not to say that you can't be happy with those things - you obviously can be, but they are not the key.

So what is?

Is it
a) a good shag
b) having half a brain
c) total luck
d) none of the above

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Please don't spoil it!

So, in all my years of blogging (four, that is) I've never had a post that no one has commented on. Now I have! And it's a well written, well thought through, bit of writing too - that is of course in my as ever 'humble opinion'. Yes, it's true, I am my biggest fan.
I go to quite a few blogs that never get any comments. And I wonder at the humility of these writers who week after week, keep putting up their thoughts about life and so on, and no-one cares. Do they check their counters to see if anyone even reads their stuff? Maybe they are writing sort of diaries for their families to stay in touch, or for themselves to read back later about what happened in their lives. The more I write of this post the more I admire them. They proudly stand alone displaying their right to exist in the blogosphere regardless of anyone else.
Hats off to the anonymous bloggers - that's what I say (and I hate Facebook).

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Indefinite Facts

I once went to Findhorn. It's a community in north-east Scotland, initially well known to me for growing extraordinarily huge vegetables, reputedly by talking to them. I wanted to check out their gardens but by the time I got there I was told they no longer grew veg, they now grew people. I felt this huge surge of cynicism well up inside of me and it was made all the more apparent by the utter niceness of the Findhorn residents all around me. I realised I was not that nice of a person, at least not compared to them.

Now, as I descend even further into my bitter existence I take consolation from knowing that my cynicism is protecting me from the indefinite facts that so many of us base our lives on.

Maybe I need to take some rescue remedy - that should make me feel better!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Definite Facts!

As has been said many times - there are only three things that we know for definite. One, we are born; two, we are here now; and three, we won't be here at some point in the future.
I love that! Kinda puts it all into perspective for me somehow. All those thoughts that I think all day long. All those responsibilities. My plans, My ego. At some point, unknown to me, everything is going to disappear in a flash. For a while a few people will remember me, but as time goes by my time on this earth will be forgotten.
So let's think - what am I up to today? Oh yes, animals to feed, seeds to plant, and oh yes, it's my turn to cook tonight, better think about that too! Ah yes, and I need to phone my daughter - must go down and see her sometime, and while I'm there I need to buy some new fake crocs - they are only £3.50 a pair in Newquay.
And in between all that heady excitement I must remember to be thankful for the life within me.
PS Did I ever mention I come from quite a religious family - just don't read this blog if it annoys you (omg, is that why I only have two readers left).

Monday, May 03, 2010

I know it doesn't matter!

I know it doesn't matter but I hope the Tories don't get into power. And I hope Man Utd don't win the Premier league either. I have this deep hatred of both of those outfits. I know it's not good to hate. I never liked the tories and Thatcher confirmed everything I ever thought about them - they don't give a shit. Remember people sleeping on the streets - that was Thatcher - she didn't give a shit!

And why do I hate Man Utd - well, I'm a Liverpool supporter and always have been. I'm so glad Chelsea stuffed us yesterday. YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS. Now as long as Wigan don't do anything silly, that will be a result! And then Nick Clegg gets enough seats to stop Cameron, and then I get on my horse and have the perfect ride, and then, and then, and then.......

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Words of wisdom

'Walk a mile in another man's moccasins before you criticise him'

Except for Tony Blair of course - he's obviously a twat! etc. etc.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Today's sermon from Dartmoor

So as global warming kicks in and the resources of the world deplete, the wise amongst us are shoring up our defenses against the marauding masses. Once those supermarket shelves get emptied all those thousands of hungry city folk will be storming into the countryside to fill their empty bellies. It is not going to be pretty!

So here is my advice for all of us country folk. Actually, what I'm gonna do is pretend I'm not in.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Know thyself

Forgive me, I sometimes get cross about things that probably shouldn't bother me.

We live in an age of plenty, and it has led us, as a civilisation, to spend a wee bit too much time gazing up our own arseholes. And here's the thing (yuk, I promised I would never say that, ever). When I come across people who are searching through the debris of the human mind, proclaiming that it is in some way leading them to the Holy Grail, it irks me.

When Socrates said, 'Know thyself', I'm damn sure he wasn't talking about spending time mapping out, and trying to find reference points, within the workings of the human mind. I think what he was talking about was getting familiar with that force within us that will go on long after our minds have well and truly disappeared. That is surely our Holy Grail.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


The winter carries on relentlessly. It's snowing this morning. I've fed the sheep and the cows, but I don't feel inspired to do much else. Just wanted to change my blog post - don't like to leave it too long.

I've just finished reading the updated version of Shout. I really enjoyed it. It was pretty obvious that Philip Norman is not a great fan of Paul, and really loved John. It's really interesting to compare Norman's version of 'the facts' of what was going on, with what at the time, I imagined was happening. For example I didn't realise that George treated Patti pretty badly, and 'God' didn't actually nick her off George. They had already broken up before 'God' moved in on her. And did you know that George then went on to have a scene with an apple scruff, and he also shagged Maureen.

And when I think back to the euphoric feelings I had about love and peace when Let it Be and Abbey Road was released, and compare that to the hideous chaos that the Beatles were experiencing at that time - yes, I truly was in a dreamworld.

The other thing that always amazes me when I read about the lives of famous people, is the amount of random shagging that apparently goes on in some peoples lives. And the way people's partners just seem to go along with it. Call me old fashioned but.....

Friday, February 05, 2010

In conversation with my eldest son.

After discussing the disease resisitant qualities of the Sante potato, we moved on to discuss the eating quality of the pink fur apple.

Me 'So out of these three things which is best?'

Him 'Go on'

Me 'a) scoring a goal, b) eating a pink fur apple potato, or c) having a shag'

Him 'Well, that is obviously going to depend... are the potatoes roasted or boiled?'

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

What a Twat!

The Pope has urged Catholic bishops in England and Wales to fight the UK's Equality Bill with "missionary zeal".
Pope Benedict XVI said the legislation "violates natural law" and could end the right of the Catholic Church to ban gay people from senior positions

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Words that caused my downfall

'I used to search for happiness
And I used to follow pleasure
But I found a door behind my mind
And that's the greatest treasure'

Incredible String Band - 1966

What hope a poor stoned hippie, I ask myself!

I can't speak highly enough of The Incredible String Band. They were perfect for the time, and now 40 years later it's just as good. Try 'First Girl I Loved'. It's enough to make a grown man cry.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

You are one in 100 billion

Some estimates of the total number of humans that have lived on the earth come out at around 100 billion. The present population of the earth is 7 billion. We reached our first billion between 1800 and 1850. That has all happened over about 70,000 years. Mind you, some folks say the world is only 6000 years old, and the human race started with Adam and Eve. If that is the case then the estimate of 100 billion is wildly out. A lot of those 100 billion must have lived and died before Adam and Eve even showed up.

So just how much shagging has been going on to bring the population to its present day seven billion. Bearing in mind scientists estimate that in 4000 BC the world population was 20 million, and in 1000 AD it was 300 million.
Phew, it's all rather confusing for my poor brain. I was trying to work out if you could get from two people to 7 billion in 6000 years. That is a pretty impressive breeding programme. That's 240 generations. If every woman had four kids, that's pretty feasable isn't it? But at what point does the Adam and Eve theory start to accept the population estimates? If the estimate for 1AD is correct at 200 million then that's 160 generations to get from two people to there.

I can't work those figures out, but somewhere along the way, in that 6000 years, from those two people we got a whole load of different coloured people too. How and when did that happen? I'm struggling to believe the 6000 year theory.

Jeez, I'll be glad when it's 9 o clock, and Celebrity Big Brother is on and then I can stop thinking about all this crap.