Friday, August 03, 2007


My blog hangs over me like a cold wet hungry animal - grrrrrrrrrr. So is there any way I can put the whole thing into abeyance, just in case I get the urge to write hugely witty and incisive posts ever again, just like I used to do in the old days.
While I am here I will take the opportunity to update anyone interested (or not) on all the latest news. I have two big phobias, no three actually, flying in aeroplanes, going to the dentist, and talking to beautiful women (when I say beautiful, I mean beautiful in the conventional sense, if you know what I mean, because obviously, as part of god's creation all women are beautiful). And the big news is I have almost conquered one of them.
I saw an advert for a dentist who specialises in nervous patients and I rang her up, and whahey, she took me on. And when I got to her surgery it turned out that she was a really nice young scottish gal who also turned out to be a really good dentist. She fixed up three fillings for me and really really, I wasn't that scared at all. The one drill freaked me out a bit - but it's the memories from the past that haunt me, not what was happening right there.
As I sat in the chair my mind drifted back through dentists I have known, the man hating lesbian in Cornwall who had one of the best days of her life removing two of my back teeth. The greasy Indian guy in Old Delhi who had one of those drills with the kind of black cord running round pulleys to power it. I didn't hang around for his offer of a stiff drink to help calm me down - I left his place and administered fresh afghani opium as my own form of pain relief. Then there was the guy that started the whole problem in the first place - when I was a kid he would terrify me by drilling every tooth in my head whether they needed it or not, and right into the nerve every fucking time - absolute fucking agony and he ruined my teeth while he was at it - the fucking bastard - Grrrrrrrrr!
So now I'm gonna go fly in an aeroplane, hopefully piloted by a nice young scottish gal - that might help. And then it will just be the small matter of beautiful women, mmmmmmm that's gonna be a tough one.

Love ya all and sorry to be so sporadic. Watch out for 'Bad acid trips 3' though, it's a corker.