Monday, October 24, 2005

Fourth Title, and this will be for a while..

Yes, I've put a lot of thought into this and I've decided that I am going to abandon my dreams of maintaining my blog as a horse free zone. The thing is I feel like I have such potential to be a bit of a bore when I focus on my life as a human being. I just can't help straying into the serious parts of my brain where I store up all my sort of weird philosophies about life. As a girl friend once advised me 'I think it's just best to keep that stuff mostly to yourself'. However, working on the theory that less is more, I will let the odd gem/load of bollocks fall out onto the page now and again, you know, just so anyone unlucky enough to wander into this text can keep some kind of perspective on this human existence.

It is a strange feeling writing stuff for no reason. Normally I'm writing for an audience that I sort of visualise in my head as I'm writing. But out there among the millions of other people all writing away in blogland, it just seems a little odd. Not knowing if it will ever be read, not earning any money for it, not furthering my career in any way, and not helping anyone else along the way either. I guess that's why I feel the need to put comments in now and again about the nature of this world we live in, and my take on what we are supposed to be doing while we are here. It's my way of making some kind of sense out of my life - sorry if you find it annoying, you can always sod off to another blog, you never know you might stumble across the best writing you've ever read, or maybe just something interesting to read.

The other day I told a couple of friends that I had started a blog. God, I never realised what an untrendy thing it was that I done. I really took some flak. I'll certainly be a bit more careful about advertising this enterprise in the future. In fact if it seriously does turn out to be a 'wrong un' then I might have to cut and run. My reputation as a bit of a weird loser type of person has to be kept in check you know! I think it's the word 'blog'. It's poor isn't it. I've tried using the word journal in a desperate attempt to give myself more of a sort of 'diarist' feeling, but when it comes to it, it's a blog - a useless and pointless piece of writing in cyberspace, that has no audience and serves no purpose. I want it to have a purpose and a meaning but as hard as I've thought about it I can't work one out.

So that's where the horses come in. Stick with me and I'll explain more. Right now I need some sleep - big day in the morning.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Sticking with my 3rd title for a while longer!

I'll run with this title for a day or two more.
I'm a bit busy at the moment with various projects and I haven't been able to give much thought to the way I would like this journal to develop. I am half thinking of making it a bit serious - you know, dealing with things I care about, like the environment and so on. I have also considered taking it in the direction of something else that I am passionately interested in - freedom of consciousness. I think about this a lot. The work that I do and the people that I meet really make me aware of the value of freedom when it comes to learning the important stuff about this life.
That probably sounds a bit corny but I am kind of coming to the conclusion that I can't go on writing this stuff having one eye on my image all of the time. Because this is a new venture for me I have been a bit distracted by wanting to make it really right. But bollocks to it - I have to write this journal in the same way that I lead my life. I've just going to go for it.

Yesterday I was working with a lady and her horse and she told me how she brought her kids up with very strict rules. They also went to a very strict junior school. Eventually they went to secondary school where things were a little more lax, and lo and behold, everything fell apart. Strangely enough it is the same with horses. If you hold your horse together in a very hands on way, and don't give him the responsibility to take care of his life, then when you give him his freedom his behaviour will also fall apart.

So let your kids fly, let them have the responsibility for their lives and they will learn how to look after themselves. If you truly want to understand how anarchy can work (and I don't think it can, but that's a discussion for another day) then the first rule surely is that each individual has to be responsible for their own lives. Timothy Leary said some good things - one of his best quotes was something along the lines that we should not mess with other people's conciousness. I get a bit cross when I see people meddling in other peoples lives - who do they think they are anyway, telling other human beings what is right and wrong. Whoops - have I just done that myself too. It's just all too easy isn't it!

Forgive my occasional rants. I have a long history in my family of priests, nuns and vicars. In real life I'm mostly quite a humble guy.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

second title change

After much thought I have decided to ditch my second title. I think someone else is using it already. Also the controversial nature of 'the words 'strange but true' have stirred up a huge amount of pseudo-philosophical wanderings which, I'm sure you will all agree, we can most certainly do without.
My new title I know is questionable too - I have never found truth to be strange in any way, and quite frankly the mere concept of fiction just bewilders me. Still, I'll give it a couple of days and see how it feels.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Title change

After much thought I have decided to ditch my first title 'diary of a nobody'. Thoroughly enjoyed the book mind you, but someone else is already using this name. Truth be told, I'm not sure I am worthy of the label 'nobody'. I am slowly working towards it, but blessed with my talents the final push will be a huge act of surrender. The moments of 'nobodyness' that I have acheived in my life so far have been truly joyful. For now I will continue to wrestle against the illusory rewards of fame and fortune.
Sorry guys, it's sunday morning - it brings out the worst in me.

Thursday, October 06, 2005


Now I know that there are a bunch of you out there smarter than me, but are you smart where it really counts?