Sorry Guys, this blog is temporarily doing my nut in. So I am going to carry on with my policy of writing for the sake of it, and seeing what manifests. The rules are that you must not delete, except of course for typos. So, it's a dangerous game to play. Of course you will never know if I have cheated, but believe me I won't. If these fingers take me into the darkest corners of my mind, then so be it, you poor sods are either gonna have to click to another page, or read on, compare my madness to yours, and relax in the knowledge that you are not alone.
Some times I go for really long times feeling really good. Enjoying what is actually a very easy life, at least easy in comparison to the lives most people have. I don't work at a meaningless job, I actually do pretty much what I enjoy doing, working outside with horses - it's fun. I am not poor, and I eat well. I live in a nice house in a nice place. My neighbours are cool. I have a nice family. So far in my life I have good health. Once when I was young I got into some desperately heavy shit in my head, but since then, by the grace of god, I have done ok, at least, I have survived. I know that the thoughts can go anywhere, and I know not to take too much notice. I know to enjoy the feeling of life, and appreciate and be greatful for it.
It's easy to to get complacent. I try not to.
And then every once in a while things get difficult, in my head. I know the drill now - ride it out. Don't do anything important, or at least don't make decisions based on how I feel at this time. And soon something will snap me out of it. I guess for some folks maybe not - but usually for me a few days and I'm back into the good stuff. I go out and dig a few ditches, tidy up a few places - meaningless shit that keeps me out of trouble.
Yesterday my horses were so sweet. We have three mares that we are working on right now, and every day things move along. We do this thing where we want every step of the way to be perfect. The reason for this is that firstly, you don't want to put work on top of anything that isn't good; and secondly, it just makes it harder anyway. If you build your horse from the base up, and get each piece of the job in place correctly, then the theory is that you can make a great horse. It suits me, because I am not technically so great, but I am quite good at one step at a time.
Anyway folks, hang in there, there will be a joke coming along soon.
4 days ago