Tuesday, February 03, 2009

What's wrong with swearing?

When I was a kid I couldn't work out why, for no particular reason, some words were forbidden. Now I am grown up and I still have no idea - to me words are just sounds. We were told that it would upset God if we used bad words. If God is upset by such a small thing then he is of no interest to me. Of course, now I know God couldn't give a fuck! All these silly little rules are made up by anal little twats who just can't seem to break free from their tiny little boxes - what's wrong with the fuckers?

Now they are trying to stop people swearing on telly. I heard this lady saying we should go back to using good old fashioned words like 'bother' and 'flibbertygibbet'. Amazingly, I do have another life away from this blog where to a degree I try to behave in a professional manner. I do try not to swear in front of my clients, and I do know I have lost business because of this blog (can you fucking believe that!). I have long wrestled with the moral dilemma of whether I should hide forever my love of the foul mouth for the sake of a few quid.

Do you know, if all those small-mimded twats would shut up, then maybe I wouldn't feel the need to swear quite so much. But for now, it's the 'word police' that make swearing even more fun than perhaps it should be. So bollocks to them, I say!


  1. They can be a wonderful aid to humour.

    And they're quite funny when used by people who are being deadly serious, too.

    Mary Whitehouse's old group are still around under another name. They need a good @!** up the **&!@.

  2. Anonymous3/2/09 14:23

    What I never understood was why the words relating to penises, such as willy, cock, dick etc. are funny and amusing/mild naughty words, whereas words relating to the female genitalia like twat, minge, gash are seen as dirty and more offensive, especially 'cunt' which even sailors think twice about using in polite company. Clearly this is a case of linguistic sexism. The cunts.

  3. I'd comment but...you already called me a name. :(

  4. Geoff - I 'm now wondering if it's because I am so boring that I use swearing to brighten up my speech.

    Fathorse - you raise a good point there! I know myself I struggle to use the word 'cunt' even on my blog, but 'twat' is now commonplace, and nowadays the word 'tit' is also used a lot. I love that phrase, 'I felt a right tit!'. Come to think of it, there's a band called the Slits too!

    Pamela - I thought of you when I wrote this post. Thank you for, as ever, not being openly judgemental about what you call 'my potty mouth'.

  5. I agree.
    Why oh why can we show shagging and killing before 9pm on TV - but not swearing?
    Well perhaps we can't show shagging - but killing is always there.

  6. Anonymous4/2/09 06:19

    They DO show shagging before the watershed. And I remember watching Titanic in the middle of the afternoon with my eight year old brother and not feeling very comfortable with the old naked drawing scene and steamy-in-the-car shagging. Not to mention floating dead bodies. Good old fashioned sunday-afternoon family fun!!

  7. I remember when we first met you asked me :'Do you mind if I swear a bit?' and since I have no emotional attachment to the English language -which I like to speak and write- I said: 'Ok'.

    It's good to blow some steam off and everybody does it, so that 'word police' are ridiculously out of time and unrealistic

    Btw, 'flibbertygibbet',WTH does it mean? Who says that? Mary Poppins???

  8. ah but Tom, I came to see you because of your blog :-) so you win some you lose some - who would you rather have as clients - fucking idiots like me/us or ... the other sort?

  9. I quite like the word "flibbertygibbet". It has a nice tongue twisting feel to it. The swear words are so commonplace these days, ridiculous words like "flibbertygibbet" make speech more interesting! Must see if I can fit that into a sentence tomorrow. That should cause some amusement.

  10. Come to think of it, the last time I heard someone use the word "flibbertygibbert" it was my husband's cousin. He's the man behind the chocolate willies. Enough said!

  11. I'm blushing, you naughty boy.

    I've always been of the opinion that if one overdoes it then there's nowhere to go when you really want to let one go. Growing up I was quite used to my parents saying 'bloody' and 'bugger'. In fact, 'bugger' was our oath of choice in the family so imagine my surprise when my future ex-wife, part German and in whose family 'shit' was quite openly used, expressed open disapproval of the word. I also did a double-take, and a LOL, a little while back after hearing Mum say she was pissed off. I've always been a good boy of course.