Friday, February 05, 2010

In conversation with my eldest son.

After discussing the disease resisitant qualities of the Sante potato, we moved on to discuss the eating quality of the pink fur apple.

Me 'So out of these three things which is best?'

Him 'Go on'

Me 'a) scoring a goal, b) eating a pink fur apple potato, or c) having a shag'

Him 'Well, that is obviously going to depend... are the potatoes roasted or boiled?'

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

What a Twat!

The Pope has urged Catholic bishops in England and Wales to fight the UK's Equality Bill with "missionary zeal".
Pope Benedict XVI said the legislation "violates natural law" and could end the right of the Catholic Church to ban gay people from senior positions

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Words that caused my downfall

'I used to search for happiness
And I used to follow pleasure
But I found a door behind my mind
And that's the greatest treasure'

Incredible String Band - 1966

What hope a poor stoned hippie, I ask myself!

I can't speak highly enough of The Incredible String Band. They were perfect for the time, and now 40 years later it's just as good. Try 'First Girl I Loved'. It's enough to make a grown man cry.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

You are one in 100 billion

Some estimates of the total number of humans that have lived on the earth come out at around 100 billion. The present population of the earth is 7 billion. We reached our first billion between 1800 and 1850. That has all happened over about 70,000 years. Mind you, some folks say the world is only 6000 years old, and the human race started with Adam and Eve. If that is the case then the estimate of 100 billion is wildly out. A lot of those 100 billion must have lived and died before Adam and Eve even showed up.

So just how much shagging has been going on to bring the population to its present day seven billion. Bearing in mind scientists estimate that in 4000 BC the world population was 20 million, and in 1000 AD it was 300 million.
Phew, it's all rather confusing for my poor brain. I was trying to work out if you could get from two people to 7 billion in 6000 years. That is a pretty impressive breeding programme. That's 240 generations. If every woman had four kids, that's pretty feasable isn't it? But at what point does the Adam and Eve theory start to accept the population estimates? If the estimate for 1AD is correct at 200 million then that's 160 generations to get from two people to there.

I can't work those figures out, but somewhere along the way, in that 6000 years, from those two people we got a whole load of different coloured people too. How and when did that happen? I'm struggling to believe the 6000 year theory.

Jeez, I'll be glad when it's 9 o clock, and Celebrity Big Brother is on and then I can stop thinking about all this crap.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The power that keeps us alive, and it's nature

Jeez, I leave my blog for a few months and all my readers piss off - that's what you call loyalty isn't it! What on earth has happened to the great British Bulldog spirit. Well, unless you want to enjoy erudite discussions on the finer points of existence don't bother coming back, that's what I say.

So what is that power that keeps us alive, and what is its nature?

Now go to Spotify and put Alvin Lee's name in and listen to how brilliant he is. Play it loud! But remember, without life you wouldn't be able to enjoy it.

I'm not going to go away (well I might). For sure you don't have to come here, I probably wouldn't bother if I wasn't me. But then if you stay away you would miss this reminder to listen to 'Goin Home', probably Alvin's most famous contribution to existence.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Is there a God?

If God can't handle swearing, then he's not for me.
If God is into religions, then he is not for me.
If God sits in judgement, then he is not for me.
If God says it's wrong to enjoy the pleasures of this life, then he is not for me.
If God makes rules and regulations, then he is not for me.

But if, just if, God is that sweet feeling, that when I feel it, it brings to my life the qualities I most enjoy,
then I'm up for that!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Three Xmas cracker jokes!

What do Guillimots and British Gas have in common?

How do you get a nun pregnant?

If the doctor tells you that you have three weeks to live, what's the best thing to do?