This is true - honest!

I'm just recovering from the worst flu I ever had - do you know I wouldn't have cared if I died back there a day or two ago. Anyway, I'm almost back.
Thank you for your comments on my last post - I utterly respect your views, and with particular reference to Breakfast and Erica, I know you both have some investment in the word natural - all I am saying is sometimes things need to be said and some kind of balance needs to be kept. I know I shoot my mouth off but some things wind me up.

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Overheard at a recent clinic in the UK, and this is true!

Spectator - 'When you were working with that horse, I saw a buffalo and and an Indian in the arena with you'

Trainer - 'I'm not surprised by that - I get a lot of help from the Native Americans with my horsemanship'

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Now come on - call me old fashioned, but shouldn't the correct answer have been, 'Jeez, you need to get psychiatric help, you are barking mad!'

But seriously, this is the kind of stuff people take to their horses - I don't like it, and I imagine the horses think it's pretty wild too.

A history of horse training 1980 - 2008

In the 80s the leisure horse world was taken over by the big stars - good horse people who had developed systems and methods and then gone ahead to market them. Now almost 30 years later most of these guys are still going strong and it is not unusual when you meet someone new to horses, that they begin by telling you, "I'm into so and so, I practise his methods", or, "I am going through so and so's programme''.

The established horseworld wasn't really touched by these new stars - they were happy with the way they were getting things done, and their lifetimes of history carried them through. I am one of the people new to horses and my historical interest is in the new 'leisure' horse world that has rapidly expanded during this time.

One of the reasons I find this whole thing so fascinating is that during the 25 years or so that I have been working with horses, the absolutely best horses I have ridden have always come from conventional, or old established ways of horsemanship. So what does this say about the new stuff - well, it's pretty confused, or at least most of the people involved in it are.

And here is why. There is a disasterous link between all the new stuff and the socio-political situation in the western world of this period. It's called, 'The New Age', and it doesn't work so well for horses. In fact I would go so far as to say, they don't like it. So why has something happened so strongly even though it's pretty obvious to a lot of people that it isn't working out. Well, mainly because it's a pretty good opportunity for a few people to make a load of money. If you can come up with a 'new' way of training horses that fits in nicely with what some would call a more enlightened view of life, and you have some marketing skills, then you are in business.

In the modern leisure horseworld there is a generic term, 'natural horsemanship'. It is actually meaningless because it is no more natural than all the other horsemanship that by default, it implies is unnatural, but it sounds good doesn't it.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't be sucked in to a load of commercial hype. Good horsemanship has been going on since man and horse met.

Responsible Blogging

I have a friend who trains horses. She's not as good as me (or as humble obviously), but she is way more successful in terms of earning a living. So what I have started doing is, when I am in certain situations where I could maybe improve my business, I ask, 'so what would X**** be doing now?' She would be networking furiously with a keen eye on not leaving until she has some more business is in the bag. Then I look at what I am doing, which is nothing, and I think, 'Bollocks, I really can't be arsed'. Then I go home and say such wise/smug things as, 'my work alone should be enough'.

So anyway, that got me thinking about my blog. It's unwisely linked to my website. On the blog I trawl the depths of the human mind, trying to interest people in subjects they don't want to talk about. I try to inspire people to 'get real' about their human existence. Now, what would X**** be doing with this blog. Well, I can tell you. She would be constructing and maintaining the legend that she is. There would be no flies on her - people would believe that yes, at least there is one person in the world who is bloody well perfect.

I recently did a presentation at a large gathering of professional people. It was amazing - they actually had time in the schedule set aside for 'networking'. It was like this huge pit of people all jostling for connections that would further their careers. I'm sorry, and I know that's how the world works and all that, but I just felt it was all a bit gross really. The problem with this system is that what happens then is whoever is the best in the bearpit, then becomes the most successful in business. Now, that can't be right, can it?

In my own naive little world I can't help thinking that we should stand back and objectively look at what people are doing and truly evaluate what is best, and use that.

Anyway, what would X**** be doing with this blogpost - well, one things for sure, she wouldn't press the 'publish post' button on it, I can guarantee that.

Sex - part one

OK, the great subject most of us prefer not to talk about, including me!

Jeez it's hard to talk about sex - it feels like it's my business and actually I'm starting to think it is really.

I worked out I have had sex approx 2500 times (so far) with six different women (so far) and from that I have fathered six kids. In 1972 a fortune teller in Old Delhi told me I would father seven kids - it's looking unlikely.

The other day I spoke to one of the girls I had sex with, and guess what, she couldn't bloody well remember it (cue uproarious laughter, and wondering if any of the other five can either). Let me tell you that both times we had sex, we were both very drunk indeed. I remember climbing out of her college bedroom window in the early hours, as at that time they were doing spot checks on the girls rooms. The other time we were both in a single sleeping bag under the stars mmmmmmmmmmmmm. I do have to admit that neither occasion is memorable for the quality of the action.

At the same college one of my friends hid a girl under the blankets and survived a spot check from the sex police - eeeeeeee what a laugh we had in those far off days.

My early life is more memorable for the girls I should have had sex with rather than the ones I did have sex with. It is a long and illustrious list! I blame my catholic upbringing for burdening me with this idea that one at a time is enough. Amazingly, I have always been faithful to the woman I am with - should I be proud of that, or am I just pathetic.

Once I worked for this very attractive and very rich lady. She and her husband, who was a huge gangster type guy, ran several sex clubs in London. One day I was working on the pond in the garden when she came up and started coming on to me. She was pretty hot, and could really turn on the charm. It's a bit like when you are gonna die I guess - your whole life runs through your mind in a flash at that point. This could be my best opportunity ever or the dumbest thing I ever did, and jeez, I'd surely get killed if I did it. She must have thought I was the most crap guy she had ever met - I didn't even take it when it was offered on a plate. In fact I'm surprised she didn't have me killed for that! Phew - I can remember those moments real strong.

I got paid £20 cash for four hours work, three days a week, at that place - I thought I'd landed in heaven!

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Relationships - part two

Here is a bit more on relationships. It's part of the build up to the next two much awaited instalments of the trilogy.

So twice in my life I have said that I will stay with my partner for my whole life come what may. They both said it to me too. Well, the first one bailed out after a few years - I was shocked. In retrospect I was naive in the extreme. And guess what, I went and made the 'for life' promise again a year or two later. That one is working out pretty good so far.

What's my point? Well, I would never do it again. It's ridiculous to say you are going to do something for life. Who knows what may happen? Your partner may change their view of life, or so might you. You may have made a misjudgement when you made the commitment, or you may just think, 'shit, I've only got one life, I don't want to spend it living with that miserable bastard'.

No, I'm sorry but I think marriage is a silly idea. I heard somewhere that it was invented to keep some order in society. Just another of those rules to prop up the undisciplined populace - but look at the chaos the failure of marriage causes. Maybe if we were brought up to view things differently, like for example, women have kids and most times the fathers stick around to help look after them, in some way or other, then we wouldn't be burdened by the ridiculous expectation that marriage puts upon us.

Do you know why you should live with another person - maybe cos you love them!

Sex, relationships and love

This is part one of the trilogy - it's relationships okay, sex and love are coming later.

This is a picture of me and my friend Vicus. Some of you may know him from elsewhere. We have known each other for 39 years. We first met when I briefly attended a teacher training college, in the vain hope that I could somehow get a career and be 'normal'. Alas, or perhaps thank god, I realised it would never work out, and three weeks into the course I left. The absolute clincher for me was when this tutor instructed me to pretend I was in a 3' high glass box, and I thought, 'you fucking twat!', and I never returned, except to the canteen where every morning they served a fantastic poached egg on toast.

In the late 60s me and Vicus took acid together on more than one occasion, and generally overdid it with other minor drugs, until Vicus decided a clear head would be more helpful to his search for reality. A couple of years later I reached the same conclusion - mind you that doesn't preclude the odd foray into altered conciousness at family weddings and the like.

What has this to do with relationships - well, it's a relationship of sorts isn't it. I don't like having too many friends - that might be code for 'no-one wants to be my friend so I'll make it look like it's my idea'. I learnt pretty early on that you don't want to be dependent on some other person who's gonna run off with some other sod any time they feel like it. That hurts! If anyone gets too friendly I move. I used to think I was weird - now I know I am.

I don't mind being friends with Vicus, cos he is too lazy to be much of a pain. We never spend more than a couple of days together anyway - he's funny for a while then he gets boring and talks about classical music and fucking authors who I have never heard of.