OK, the great subject most of us prefer not to talk about, including me!
Jeez it's hard to talk about sex - it feels like it's my business and actually I'm starting to think it is really.
I worked out I have had sex approx 2500 times (so far) with six different women (so far) and from that I have fathered six kids. In 1972 a fortune teller in Old Delhi told me I would father seven kids - it's looking unlikely.
The other day I spoke to one of the girls I had sex with, and guess what, she couldn't bloody well remember it (cue uproarious laughter, and wondering if any of the other five can either). Let me tell you that both times we had sex, we were both very drunk indeed. I remember climbing out of her college bedroom window in the early hours, as at that time they were doing spot checks on the girls rooms. The other time we were both in a single sleeping bag under the stars mmmmmmmmmmmmm. I do have to admit that neither occasion is memorable for the quality of the action.
At the same college one of my friends hid a girl under the blankets and survived a spot check from the sex police - eeeeeeee what a laugh we had in those far off days.
My early life is more memorable for the girls I should have had sex with rather than the ones I did have sex with. It is a long and illustrious list! I blame my catholic upbringing for burdening me with this idea that one at a time is enough. Amazingly, I have always been faithful to the woman I am with - should I be proud of that, or am I just pathetic.
Once I worked for this very attractive and very rich lady. She and her husband, who was a huge gangster type guy, ran several sex clubs in London. One day I was working on the pond in the garden when she came up and started coming on to me. She was pretty hot, and could really turn on the charm. It's a bit like when you are gonna die I guess - your whole life runs through your mind in a flash at that point. This could be my best opportunity ever or the dumbest thing I ever did, and jeez, I'd surely get killed if I did it. She must have thought I was the most crap guy she had ever met - I didn't even take it when it was offered on a plate. In fact I'm surprised she didn't have me killed for that! Phew - I can remember those moments real strong.
I got paid £20 cash for four hours work, three days a week, at that place - I thought I'd landed in heaven!
Mr. DeVice's Garden Photos
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