Sunday, October 05, 2008

Relationships - part two

Here is a bit more on relationships. It's part of the build up to the next two much awaited instalments of the trilogy.

So twice in my life I have said that I will stay with my partner for my whole life come what may. They both said it to me too. Well, the first one bailed out after a few years - I was shocked. In retrospect I was naive in the extreme. And guess what, I went and made the 'for life' promise again a year or two later. That one is working out pretty good so far.

What's my point? Well, I would never do it again. It's ridiculous to say you are going to do something for life. Who knows what may happen? Your partner may change their view of life, or so might you. You may have made a misjudgement when you made the commitment, or you may just think, 'shit, I've only got one life, I don't want to spend it living with that miserable bastard'.

No, I'm sorry but I think marriage is a silly idea. I heard somewhere that it was invented to keep some order in society. Just another of those rules to prop up the undisciplined populace - but look at the chaos the failure of marriage causes. Maybe if we were brought up to view things differently, like for example, women have kids and most times the fathers stick around to help look after them, in some way or other, then we wouldn't be burdened by the ridiculous expectation that marriage puts upon us.

Do you know why you should live with another person - maybe cos you love them!


  1. I know we hold different views on this Tommy dear. I'm married becuase I love my husband and do plan on staying with him for life. 21 years of wedded bliss and counting.

    Not all marriages work out and from what I've seen, it's usually the children that suffer when their parents are selfish and care only for themselves.

    I believe in marriage. I do. :)

  2. After seeing that picture of you and Vicus... my whole world has changed.

  3. "It's ridiculous to say you are going to do something for life. Who knows what may happen?"

    I couldn't agree more.
    I just don't understand why some people do the same mistake over and over. But you know what they say.. never say never again.

    I wish I could be more sure of things like these ones.

  4. I agree with you, old friend, I am never, ever going to say that I am going to do something for life again.

  5. oh dear. i felt my feminist button being pushed again by that phrase about 'helping' with the kids. it reminded me of 'helping' with the washing up. women don't 'help' with that, do they....

    i broadly agree about marriage... but how to sort this without kids growing up with oppressed mothers and vagabond fathers....? it's more difficult than i thought it was thirty years ago.

  6. I don't know what it was like 30 yrs ago, Erica, but I can tell you what it is like nowadays: women's lib is the worst lie ever believed. Unfortunately, some still 'help', not 'do'.

  7. Just a quick response to leni & erica - I was there 30+ years ago and womens lib was NOT NOT NOT a lie. Some women are their own worst enemies, and do not either stand up for what they believe or believe what they stand up for.
    Anyways up, this marriage thing. There are so many ways of looking at it.
    I got married at 19 - no I was not too young - because there ws no alternative. And no I was not pregnant either. I thank heavens for the pill.
    I hadn't wanted to get married/settle down or whatever we said in those days until I was at least 26/27. But I met the person I wanted to be with so we planned it all out & had our daughter when we were 21. Then it all went pear-shaped, life does, and ended after 13 years. But it wasn't a mistake and it wasn't the wrong thing to have done. I didn't fancy saying the forever thing again, either, but decided to do that and it was the right thing too. 23yrs not out, so far. It's not wasy all the time, but it was a commitment we made, and work at sticking with.
    It was moe difficult knowing that it may not last, the first time there was no concept of that.
    No I reckon I'd definitely never do it again. But then nowadays I never say never.
    My pa remarried at 76 after my mum died (& that was a marriage to put you off if ever there was!) & they had a fantastic active life until wicked step-mum died last year, so 14yrs they had. They lived together to begin with, but both felt happier being married and their wedding was fab.
    I know plenty of people who are addicted to marriage - they keep doing it - and some who are allergic - they have successfully avoided it, but are always talking about it......

  8. Hey Row,

    Thanks for your reply to my previous comment on womens lib. I presume it was a great and necessary change 30+ years ago, and of course, it was excellent for women at that time.

    I totally agree with you -some women are their worst enemies- and of course, marriage can be heaven or hell, depending on personal experience. I'm glad to know that you feel well with what you've lived.

    Where are we now? In a demanding world where women have to take care of house/family and also be good in a competitive professional background, and -on top of it- look absolutely gorgeous in both scenarios. ;)

    That's actually a world for superwomen -very hard to live at-. This is basically the reason why I don't think there hasn't been much improvement since womens lib, but again, just my experience.

    And about the marriage thing... after the initial passion time, it's a great deal of work for both parties to maintain a relationship alive -I guess this is why some people are either addicted or allergic-.

    Anyways... I already said too much. It was very nice to exchange points of view about this subject. ;)

    And someone please tell us a joke or something funny -that was a bit serious- :))

  9. Pamela - it's kinda nice that we can be good friends and be so opposite in our ways.

    Kindness - it's a cool pic isn't it! He is soooooooooooooo sweet isn't he!

    Ziggi - yep

    Vicus - yep

    Leni - Sometimes life is serious, and please don't worry about being that way on my blog. I often feel the same as you in that I feel I am being too serious, and I should be 'funny' all the time, but I can't. It annoys me a bit when people have strict rules to live by - I used to be like that. Maybe it's a bit like people who smoked being most uptight about smokers - now I really have a thing about 'rules to live by'.

    Erica - I think we have to move beyond feminism - this is about human beings. We all have equal rights, or we should have. I'll tell you something - if someone tried to push me around, physically or mentally, I'd be out of there.

    Row - Well done with your second marriage - mine's pretty good too, but it's more luck than judgement. I'm never doing it again anyway, whatever happens.

    Leni - say whatever you want to ok! xxxx. I do have a joke but I'm not sure it transfers to the written word.
    There was a bear and a rabbit and they met. They both needed a shit so they both squatted down together and got down to it.
    When they had finished, the bear said, 'Does shit stick to your fur?'
    The rabbit answered 'no'.
    'Cool', said the bear, and picked up the rabbit and wiped his arse with him.

  10. Tom,

    Thanks for your replies (I'm also the Leni who didn't show any pic for some tech reasons I still cannot explain).

    Thanks for the joke too -one of your finest jokes, btw, I nearly fell off my chair laughing-. That bear is a bully! eek! LOL

  11. Aargh lost another ramble, oh well try again:

    Was that a dumb rabbit and was it really a joke, or was that just a neat way of saying 'well shit happened, but no-one died'?!

    So the rabbit was lucky.

    I always look on the bright side, me.

  12. I seem to collect people who declare love forever. Then fuck off three weeks later.

    I'm beginning to wonder if there's a common link.

  13. Sweet? You bet. I want to be right in the middle of that embrace! A Vicus/Tom909 sandwich! Woot.

    Now, write something new won't you? More VicusTom 909 pics if nothing else. Perhaps shed some clothing?

    Girls? Don't you agree? Boys? NVM...

  14. If you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (even if they're dating somebody else now) you got to watch this video
    right away...

    (VIDEO) Text Your Ex Back?