Do you know that the average time people stay on this blog is 24 seconds. And don't forget that's the average time, so some people are probably gone in less than ten. Is it really that bad you can make your mind up that quick and be out of here in less time than it takes me to have a pee. I know they don't make time like they used to but 24 seconds - I'm gutted.
I'll tell you what, if you've got this far why don't you just piss off now. I'd hate you to waste any more of your valuable time. And I promise you if my average time gets below 20 seconds I'm pulling the plug on this whole bloody show. Then you'll regret it - you'll never get to see my recipe for tofu stir fry, and that my friends, will be your loss not mine.
Of course I realise that what with one million new blogs worldwide coming on line every week, there's more stuff written than could possibly be read. I think I seriously need to consider whether I want my writings to fall into the relatively new literary category fondly labelled 'worthless blogshite'.
It reminds me of when in 1969, I went for an interview to study sociology at Kent University. I was completely stoned at the time and before the interview I took the opportunity to go for a crap and a top-up smoke. In somewhat of a daze I glanced around the cubicle and there above the loo roll was the statement, 'Sociology degrees - please help yourself'. I cruised the interview and got a really easy offer. Needless to say I don't remember what happened next, but something must have because to this day I have never been near Canterbury again.
6 days ago