Monday, June 15, 2009

Hello, I'm a first aider. Can you hear me?

Can you imagine my surprise when I ended up giving an unconscious and gorgeous Melinda messenger lookalike, a top to toe examination on my first aid course today? By the end of that she was fine, but boy, I needed CPR, and fast!

I scraped through the theory exam this afternoon. 20 multiple choice questions and I managed to get 17 right. Hopefully when I come across my first real life first aid situation, a multiple choice box will pop up to enable me to at least have a fighting chance of giving the patient the correct treatment.

Tomorrow I face three live stuations - one with a patient who isn't breathing, one with one who is breathing, and one accident scenario that I have to take charge of. Nervous, me, you bet? Today in the practice session I made a right tit of myself.


  1. Tom! Are you going to give the gorgeous sexy House a run for his money?! MMmmm I can just see you in a white coat with your stethoscope tangling nonchalantly!

  2. That's not fair Tom ....... I got to practise on a scowling plastic doll called resus Annie when I did my first aid. Hope your pulse is back to normal. x

  3. 1) I may not be the most experienced of chaps when it comes to familiarity with the extremities of the fair sex, and modesty forbids that I should describe such a catalogue here, but I have never seen (nor heard of) a multiple choice box. I can scarcely imagine what it would entail, other than being a source of embarrassment to the owner. I think, if you pardon the expression, that someone has been pulling your leg.
    2) Your ability "to make a right tit of yourself" seems to indicate a propensity for surgery which those of us fortunate to know you would not have easily attributed to you. I expect that we shall be seeing you soon on "Emergency Ward 10" (it is still on, isn't it?)
    I hope that this helps.

  4. I've just known that the Dumbass Industries' doc is leaving the company. With your brand new First Aider diploma you would be the ideal candidate to replace him. You'd love that job, lol.

    We had a 2-hour CPR course last year. My dummy (Manuel, a gorgeous huge dark haired rubber guy) was great. I gave him the kiss of life, but at the end of the practice session I made sure that I had the emergencies number in my cell phone contact list.

  5. ((That's where I work. Dumbass are just the Big Cheese and the Big Shot, so no offence, pls))

  6. It's funny, I didn't realise that the 6'2" brick layer from Ashburton that you were feeling up looked like Melinda Messenger, but I am not that well acquainted with her physical appearance, so that may be a fair comparison.

    Oh, Vicus, a multiple choice box is always a bonus.

  7. Ziggi - I know nothing of this man of whom you speak, but I do wear a white coat when I show my sheep at Widecombe Fair. We didn't do stethoscopes on the course, but they must be pretty straightforward if doctors can use them.

    Shell - Aaaaaaw, you don't get much luck do you. Actually it would have been better for my health had I not got so 'lucky'.

    Vicus - Prior to this course the multiple choice box is something that I too have only heard of, but then Vicus, like you I am a man of limited experience.
    Regarding your second point, the phrase 'right tit' is something I have picked up only recently. I think it is derived from the verb, to tit about.

    Leni - your rubber guy sounds 'hot'. Great you got his phone number. And the good news is if he doesn't answer your call, you can buy him online at
    Dumbass Industries - are they involved in the water supply industry?

    Kate - Did you not see the blond girl with huge tits that they brought in especially for me to practise on? Oh my god, I've been living in my imagination again haven't I!
    It might be best if we don't mention the 'multiple choice box' too much. Us oldies have to take care of our blood pressure you know.

  8. Rubber guys have some advantages, Tom. They never go to see the football match with their buddies, don't drink or smoke... actually they don't even eat.

    That's right, the Dumbass Industries is a water supplier, so you better not mess with me or you'll have to shower with coke for the rest of your life! (*smiles a defiant smile*)

  9. Hope they remain 3 live situations, chum. Multiple choice boxes...way-hey!