Saturday, December 02, 2006

Sweet Baby Jesus - some highlights of my life

Do you know, and this is God's honest truth right, once I was making love to a woman and that's what she cried out. That brought a smile to my smug little face.
But on a more serious note, I once hit a six into the river at Lustleigh cricket ground - now that was satisfying cos I hated those bastards. That was not the only good thing that happened to me as far as the glorious game was concerned. I was once top scorer in a house match at my goddam awful grammar school that I went to. I hated the games teacher and he hated me so it was very satisfying to walk off the field top scorer and 'not out' and look him in the eye and smile. What a sweet day.
One day when I was at Home Park with my two boys, the officials were drawing out the half time lottery, and my son quietly said to me, 'Dad, we've won'. Picking up that cash after the match and sharing it between me and all my kids was fun.
Seriously now, and this is an important highlight here, so concentrate ok, working out that how you feel can be more about what is happening inside you rather than what's going on in the crazy outside world. Boy, that made a big difference to my life I'll tell you.
And finally, and I can't say getting married to my wife was the happiest day of my life, but as she is standing here looking over my shoulder at what I type, I'd better just say, it was one of the best days and I love her.
See ya.


  1. The opening paragraph should have been the last paragraph, because that is what most people will focus on. Do not ask me why.
    You need, however, to clarify whether the young (?old) woman's words were "Sweet Baby Jesus" or " Sweet Baby Jesus - some highlights of my life". The latter would be bizarre to say the least.
    You also fail to clarify whether it was a cry of delight or a cry of the utmost disgust. Those of us who know you would probably make an educated guess, but there might be some out there innocent enough to think that the human female is capable of deriving enjoyment from such an experience.

    Again, for the less well informed, Home Park is the name of the ground where Plymouth Argyle play soccer. Members of the crowd are able to buy £1 lottery tickets as a diversion from the atrocities taking place on the pitch. Tom won a record jackpot - £7.

  2. OK OK OK Vicus, it needs an edit I agree, but actually the highlights of my life thing would be quite funny if she had said it wouldn't it.
    I was in a rush cos Awaiting was threatening to come over if I didn't post, and I panicked and just wrote it right off the top of my head. I will make sure my next post is thought through and well written ok.

  3. Maybe appearing in her school's nativity plays were some of the highlights of her life.

  4. "Sweet baby Jesus" - so you were making out with Janis Joplin then Tom?

    The other explanation that I've thought of is that she was thinking "sweet baby Jesus - there's only half an hour until the last train, I hope he gets a move on!" but only uttered the first part of the sentence.

  5. That has to rate pretty high in the top ten list of passion-killing utterances! Who wants to think about babies, let alone holy ones at a time like that? Maybe it's just because I'm repressed but I must say I prefer non-verbal vocalisations.

  6. It must have been the beard

  7. Perhaps his backside is as smooth as a baby's behind and that is what crossed her mind.

  8. Other things that Tom and Jesus have in common.
    1) Most folks have given up waiting for the second coming.
    2) Both hang around with prostitutes, albeit for different motives.
    3) er...
    4) that's it.

  9. Now come on everyone, there are other things in my post besides the SBJ comment.
    But I must say it is a moment in my life I will never forget, and by the way Betty, she wasn't thinking SBJ how much longer - at least I don't think she was. Oh my god, now doubt is creeping into my mind - Betty, now look what you've done, crushed and destroyed an otherwise strong and proud man.

    Ah yes, the second coming. Not something I know a lot about. I might have been asleep at the time.

  10. sweet baby cheeses!

    she was thinking about babybels. i couldn't say why, mind.

  11. hey, yeah...might have been thinking about those little gouda cheeses people use for stocking stuffers. and she made the whole 'stuffing=stuffing' connection like i just did, but was kind enough not to laugh like i just did. because if i had, i would have.
    lord how do i dig myself outta this one?

  12. I dont know, you girls just can't accept that maybe just for once in my short sweet life, I made some gal happy - maybe I just caught her on a good day, or maybe it was the cheeses, oh my, I'm useless, I knew it.

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