Thursday, June 29, 2006

Reading Books

While Vicus is away on his holidays perhaps this is an opportunity for me to step up to the plate (yes, the latest fucking jargon speak finally reaches Dartmoor) and offer visitors to my blog the opportunity to stretch their minds and offer their views on something a little more challenging than the topics that generally occupy my mind. Obviously I am normally more than happy to leave the serious stuff to Vicus thereby freeing me up to focus on such lesser issues as Big Brother or the World Cup.

I don't really do films and books, or music or anything arty farty or intellectual at all really - all areas of strength for my dear friend. Plucking information from the vast vortex that is his huge mind is an easy task for him. I did read a James Bond book when I was about thirteen, which I blame for causing the preference in my mind for woman like Ursula Andress and the like. Of course if I met a bird like that in real life I'd obviously shit myself. Apart from my missus of course (just in case she reads this post), I have always found it a bit of a problem communicating with what I guess you would call 'beautiful women'. I think it is because I know that they know that I am thinking ' I'd like to shag that', which after all is a perfectly natural male reaction, but also not the greatest basis for a normal 21st century western civilisation human to human communication. For some reason I always feel like I have to make a bit more effort to pretend that I'm not actually thinking that thought when it's perfectly fucking obvious that I am.

So there I am trying to behave as if they are just another person when in reality they are really hot. They must know that and they must know that every man they meet has roughly the same thoughts about them too. And then I start to think things like, maybe it's nice for them talking to me because at least I'm not just gunning for them and fawning around them just because they're beautiful. Dream on!

And before the WLF gets in the act, I do know this is all bollocks - apologies to them for the mind of the man.


  1. I think you'd be able to chat me up just fine, dear Tom.

  2. I'd sure give it a go, dear Miss Pammy.

  3. Less chatting up, more mind on the game please. You're opening the bowling, and batting at no. 4 tomorrow. I trust this is OK.

  4. I hope the cricket will be over before the footie kicks off!

  5. Penalty kicks!!

    I am suddenly loving 'football'.

    Oh man...Argentina missed!!

    Tom dear. Please explain how the cuter guys are losing? I'm not getting it.

  6. Pammy - it is one of the irrefutable laws of life that the 'cuter'guys lose. I am living testimony to this theory. Glad you enjoyed the football - when we finally get together at least we will have something to talk about.

    Dave - you can count on me. I will always give 100% with both bat and ball.

    Ziggi - great that you made the team, or are you just doing the cakes?

  7. Today we're going to go hang out with a place full of Brazilians to watch the game.

    Tom, I will be rooting for the team from Brazil. Cute or not, I want them to win.

  8. cakes? cakes? I thought I just had to cut up oranges!

    Well I hope you think we played well - even if we had to have Rooney dismissed before we put in a performance - penalties blah! So much talent, so many missed opportunities, and now France are beating Brazil - I can't bear to watch any more!

    hey ho - when do Pakistan arrive then?

  9. Well done yesterday. Top scorer. I suspect you were slightly distracted by the football, otherwise would have gone on to make your century.

  10. Ziggi - We played well when we were down to ten men which says it all for me really. That's when we started trying for the first time all tournament.
    I'm afraid Sven is responsible for our lacklustre tournament - his commitment to the old stagers was wrong. Every time the youngsters were on the field they were obviously much more fired up than the oldies - I'm not saying that the oldies aren't any good, they just weren't fired up. All the safe unadventurous play was just too tiresome. And now we've got Maclaren to look forward to - Excitement.
    Ziggi you'll stop coming here if I don't stop moaning, really sorry. On the bright side what about Andy Murray beating Andy Roddick in three sets. That was amazing.

    Pammy - sorry the cute Brazilians lost. Now where does your support go. You've got the Frenchmen, the Portuguese, the Germans or the Italians. I reckon you should go for the Italians - exciting but dark and moody with it.

  11. Pammy - I hear Thierry Henry is considered cute. Can't say the same for Riberi, but I suspect the cutest ones are always the ones who play the best football.

    Allez Les Bleus!

  12. I think Murray is an up and coming star and it was absolutely staggering that he beat Roddick. However I am finding it very difficult to forgive him for saying (allegedly) that he hoped Paraguay would win. He has also commented (allegedly again cos obviously I wasn’t there personally) that he’d rather lose as a Scot than win as a Brit. What is it with the Scottish??
    I hope it isn’t true but I fear the worst, especially after that half hearted lament through gritted teeth about England losing and him having to carry the flag for Britain.

    And just don’t mention Sri Lanka - Freddie Freddie why have you forsaken me

    I used to love Jonny Wilkinson too – (Pammy, he’s HOT)

    Cristiano Ronaldo is cute too but I hate him now, I hope MU sell him for megabucks to Real Madrid or where ever he wants to go.

    See Tom, you don’t have the monopoly on miserable git ism!

  13. does anyone ever blog with the correct time shown - or is that just a mystery from that (not so) parallel universe inhabitted here in Blogland?

  14. The Italians are indeed exciting but dark and moody. Sadly, Italian men also tend to be short. Thierry Henry is indeed lovely, but the Brazilian team cute?? I'm convinced that Ronaldo and Ronaldinho are the the only players in the world who have to gnaw on a plank of wood at halftime becuase of their ever growing rodent teeth.

    (Sorry. That was a very nasty, vindictive, shallow post. Of course I only watch football to see the passing skills and effectiveness of man-to-man marking).

  15. Mmmm...I'm going for Italy. Yum.

  16. *laffs at Betty's rodent teeth comment*

    Did someone say Italy?

    *goes back to surfing for an Azzurri shower cam*

  17. bpeuc
    Ziggi - Thank God you had a slight moan there - I thought you were going to be one of these intolerable england right or wrong types that do my head in completely. There's hope for you yet.

    Betty - Thank you for your as ever erudite and intellectually stimulating contributions to my blog. You are appreciated!

    Pammy - You are beginning to lose your mystery.

    mj - there is more to football than just watching beautifully toned male bodies strutting around, you know! Apart from anything else that does nothing for me.

  18. Thats it, Andy Murray out too. I thought he could have at least won.

  19. Hard as it is to believe, I'm actually riveted to the game itself. The totty is the icing on the cake. Rather thick icing, but icing nonetheless.

  20. Hello Tom. I'm sick to death of football.

    How are the horses?

  21. oh, and if its any consolation, I'm sick to death of hockey. I'm an equal opportunity grouch.


  22. moo - it's good being english isn't it.

    MJ - yeah yeah yeah!

    Pammy - I wound you? Have you any idea the chaos you have caused in my otherwise simple life. Some yankee bird in your bloody sunglasses causing havoc getting me all horny and then rushing off to Krusty like he's some bloody Adonis. Where's cherrypie when I need her?

    Kyah - Calm down Kyah, it'll soon be over and you can get back to your ice hockey or whatever you do over there.

  23. Tom, Tom, Tom. Calm down love. You know I only have eyes for you.

  24. My goodness! This blog really heated up.
    Dear, dear Tom: Like Kyah, I can't wait until the world cup is over. Sheesh, all these knotted up panties over a game... But the Italians were cute, and so were the Brazilians.

  25. That Alistaire Cook is out for 3 - always found his letter from America tedious anyway. Vaughan isn't going to make the Ashes and Wimbledon's a wash out!
    So... how are your horses?

  26. You mean you don't want to come on my tits?!

    Wasted a few months here then! But at least I got to know Pamela XXX

  27. Pammy, you know and I know that is so not true. You're just all over the place and quite frankly that's the kind of gal I like.

    Carmy - the football is over, what are we going to talk about now. I know, let's talk about something really meaningful like world affairs or fashion or relationships or cars, oh sod it, something will crop up, I'm sure.

    Ziggi - horses are well, I'll put some more pics up shortly.

    Cherrypie - What on earth has given you that impression - what did I say?

  28. Oh to look anything even remotely like Ursula and have blokes wanting to shage me left, right and center. Not that I'd let them, of course...oh, no... I'm a good girl... but it'd be nice to think they'd like to!

  29. Oops! That conversation must just have been in MY head.

    Please ignore my ocasional odd flights of humour. I think the sun and midge cream got to me x

  30. Tom,

    My deepest apologies for not getting off my fat rear and linking your blog to my page. I have done so now, however, so that you, Vicus and I can form an inpenetrable fortress of the obscure and barely comprehensible.

    By the way, no reason to fear my feeble attempts at competing with you for the attentions of Pam, Cherry, Carmentza. I know my limitations - after all, I'm an editor >B^D>