Friday, July 07, 2006

Sleepless on Dartmoor

I usually sleep pretty well but what with Pammy running off with Krusty I'm in a bit of turmoil at the moment. Anyway I came downstairs, made a cup of tea and tuned in to Radio Devon and blow me they were doing a phone in about hairy ears. Well, as you know this is one subject I am qualified to talk about, so I got on the line and had quite a discussion about the pros and cons of the whole situation. I suppose I was talking for maybe five minutes - we covered a fair bit of ground. The main two points I wanted to make were the obvious advantages up here on the moor re. the weather conditions, and secondly how surprised I am at the number of ladies who find ear hair a turn-on.

Anyway, I thought no more of it really and I was just about go back to bed when there was a knock on the door. It was only Meg Ryan who had been driving nearby and just happened to have heard me talking on the radio. Of course I asked her in and she started to explain that when she heard my voice she realised that I was the only one for her and as she was in the area she decided to look me up.

Straightaway I sensed danger on many levels. I mean, she's done this before so how could I know that she was serious. Also I know she can be hell of a noisy when she gets cranked up and what with the missus upstairs asleep I needed to be careful here. We talked for a while and she was just as sweet as she is on the telly. But she could see my dilemma. Could I just throw away 25 years of marriage because she liked the sound of my voice. We had a little hug and she drove off and I went back to bed. I can hardly believe that happened - I mean what are the chances, eh, eh, eh.....


  1. Ah, you could have just explained that it was her on the radio reprising her fake orgasm scene from "When Harry Met Sally," and all would have been well with the world.


  2. Bollocks, never thought of that. I doubt a man gets a second chance at that one.

  3. Tom, when you pay them enough they'll say they get turned on by your webbed feet as well.

  4. Now I realise what Geoff and Richard were on about when saying that Dawn French probably wasn't on your agenda.

    Look mate, you've either got it or you haven't. You have a wife, I haven't. You've got hairy ears, I haven't. You've got a way with horses, I haven't.

    Neither have I got Pammy, darn it. Just as I was gloating, she ran away with her husband and kids.

    And you got a chance at Meg Ryan, even if you blew it. Frankly, you wouldn't care if she was faking it, would you? Lucky boy...

  5. Just looking out for your best interests Tom.

  6. You're killing me! (I stumbled here via Surly Girl.) Meg "I'll have what she's having" Ryan. Well, that'd be ageing at this point, wouldn't it? Why do women age? Why can't they stay young and perky? Or die? (oxhclegk)

  7. Ah Tommy boy. Hairy ears a turn on, eh? As I've not seen many hairy ears I'll have to wait to see yours to make up my mind.

    As I write this, I'm sitting in the sun in Las Vegas at 110* of heat. That's what the temp. says. A bit much for me, but it's the only place I can piggy back on someone's wifi signal at my in-laws house.

    As for Meg Ryan. She's cute, that's for sure but still. You could have lied and said the dream was about me.

    Now I will have to run off with Krusty as soon as I get home from vacation.

  8. This weekend I ran into Russell Crowe on South Beach. He noticed me because as a 50-something babe, I am sprouting one or two whiskers. He feels they are as sexy on us mature woman as hairy ears are on slobbering late 50-something gentlemen.

    I believe I read an article about this a few months ago on the AARP magazine.

    eaiirk - exclamation made when discovering untrimmed auricular hair on geriatric masculine specimens (this word verifications are NOT random).

  9. Meg Ryan, eh? Funny you should mention that. It's usually Kate Winslet comes round my place in the middle of the night. Bloody nuisance, really, but she's very persistent...

  10. I know Mark, and it's frustrating as hell to explain to her that I don't have a bow and a stern on my house either . . .

  11. A word of advice. Get more sleep and think pure thoughts. Your batting performance may improve.

  12. Krusty - Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. But you know how it is - whatever we have we always want more. And as for Pammy, now she's firing off about not knowing if she likes hairy ears - she's all yours mate, if you can cope with her!

    Richard - Bloody Greta Garbo, that's a Dudley Moore line isn't it, but I can't work out the relevance to this post at all. I do have webbed feet but i was banking on being able to hide that.

    Zippy - welcome to my place - You know when I was 20 I thought 50 was old. Now I'm 56 and I'm fine with 50. I hope I'm fine with 70 when I'm 76.

    Pammy - Now if it had been you walking through my door babe, I would have been in turmoil. But Meg bloody Ryan, I can take her or leave her, no probs.

    Carmy - what's with the 'slobbering geriatric specimins'. Getting old doesn't have to mean we are getting a bit grim. I reckon I'm still pretty ok so far - mind you I've not tested myself in the real world, but boy, in cyberspace I do ok.

    Mark - I've had all sorts over the years. I pretty much always turn them down though - they're all so needy.

    Dave - Sorry Dave, I've given up on trying to purify my mind, I've reached agreement with it and get away with it most of the time. I assure you it will never prevent me from giving my best on the field of play.

  13. Tee-hee. Kate's not needy, in my midnight visitations. She's INSATIABLE...

  14. Tommy dearest, you just earned yourself a large cyber-smooch from me for making me smile.

  15. Well done for standing firm - I hear that's quite a feat for men over a certain age :)