Know thyself

Forgive me, I sometimes get cross about things that probably shouldn't bother me.

We live in an age of plenty, and it has led us, as a civilisation, to spend a wee bit too much time gazing up our own arseholes. And here's the thing (yuk, I promised I would never say that, ever). When I come across people who are searching through the debris of the human mind, proclaiming that it is in some way leading them to the Holy Grail, it irks me.

When Socrates said, 'Know thyself', I'm damn sure he wasn't talking about spending time mapping out, and trying to find reference points, within the workings of the human mind. I think what he was talking about was getting familiar with that force within us that will go on long after our minds have well and truly disappeared. That is surely our Holy Grail.

Shout

The winter carries on relentlessly. It's snowing this morning. I've fed the sheep and the cows, but I don't feel inspired to do much else. Just wanted to change my blog post - don't like to leave it too long.

I've just finished reading the updated version of Shout. I really enjoyed it. It was pretty obvious that Philip Norman is not a great fan of Paul, and really loved John. It's really interesting to compare Norman's version of 'the facts' of what was going on, with what at the time, I imagined was happening. For example I didn't realise that George treated Patti pretty badly, and 'God' didn't actually nick her off George. They had already broken up before 'God' moved in on her. And did you know that George then went on to have a scene with an apple scruff, and he also shagged Maureen.

And when I think back to the euphoric feelings I had about love and peace when Let it Be and Abbey Road was released, and compare that to the hideous chaos that the Beatles were experiencing at that time - yes, I truly was in a dreamworld.

The other thing that always amazes me when I read about the lives of famous people, is the amount of random shagging that apparently goes on in some peoples lives. And the way people's partners just seem to go along with it. Call me old fashioned but.....

In conversation with my eldest son.

After discussing the disease resisitant qualities of the Sante potato, we moved on to discuss the eating quality of the pink fur apple.

Me 'So out of these three things which is best?'

Him 'Go on'

Me 'a) scoring a goal, b) eating a pink fur apple potato, or c) having a shag'

Him 'Well, that is obviously going to depend... are the potatoes roasted or boiled?'

What a Twat!

The Pope has urged Catholic bishops in England and Wales to fight the UK's Equality Bill with "missionary zeal".
Pope Benedict XVI said the legislation "violates natural law" and could end the right of the Catholic Church to ban gay people from senior positions

Words that caused my downfall

'I used to search for happiness
And I used to follow pleasure
But I found a door behind my mind
And that's the greatest treasure'

Incredible String Band - 1966

What hope a poor stoned hippie, I ask myself!

I can't speak highly enough of The Incredible String Band. They were perfect for the time, and now 40 years later it's just as good. Try 'First Girl I Loved'. It's enough to make a grown man cry.

You are one in 100 billion

Some estimates of the total number of humans that have lived on the earth come out at around 100 billion. The present population of the earth is 7 billion. We reached our first billion between 1800 and 1850. That has all happened over about 70,000 years. Mind you, some folks say the world is only 6000 years old, and the human race started with Adam and Eve. If that is the case then the estimate of 100 billion is wildly out. A lot of those 100 billion must have lived and died before Adam and Eve even showed up.

So just how much shagging has been going on to bring the population to its present day seven billion. Bearing in mind scientists estimate that in 4000 BC the world population was 20 million, and in 1000 AD it was 300 million.
Phew, it's all rather confusing for my poor brain. I was trying to work out if you could get from two people to 7 billion in 6000 years. That is a pretty impressive breeding programme. That's 240 generations. If every woman had four kids, that's pretty feasable isn't it? But at what point does the Adam and Eve theory start to accept the population estimates? If the estimate for 1AD is correct at 200 million then that's 160 generations to get from two people to there.

I can't work those figures out, but somewhere along the way, in that 6000 years, from those two people we got a whole load of different coloured people too. How and when did that happen? I'm struggling to believe the 6000 year theory.

Jeez, I'll be glad when it's 9 o clock, and Celebrity Big Brother is on and then I can stop thinking about all this crap.

The power that keeps us alive, and it's nature

Jeez, I leave my blog for a few months and all my readers piss off - that's what you call loyalty isn't it! What on earth has happened to the great British Bulldog spirit. Well, unless you want to enjoy erudite discussions on the finer points of existence don't bother coming back, that's what I say.

So what is that power that keeps us alive, and what is its nature?

Now go to Spotify and put Alvin Lee's name in and listen to how brilliant he is. Play it loud! But remember, without life you wouldn't be able to enjoy it.

I'm not going to go away (well I might). For sure you don't have to come here, I probably wouldn't bother if I wasn't me. But then if you stay away you would miss this reminder to listen to 'Goin Home', probably Alvin's most famous contribution to existence.

Is there a God?

If God can't handle swearing, then he's not for me.
If God is into religions, then he is not for me.
If God sits in judgement, then he is not for me.
If God says it's wrong to enjoy the pleasures of this life, then he is not for me.
If God makes rules and regulations, then he is not for me.

But if, just if, God is that sweet feeling, that when I feel it, it brings to my life the qualities I most enjoy,
then I'm up for that!

Three Xmas cracker jokes!

What do Guillimots and British Gas have in common?

How do you get a nun pregnant?

If the doctor tells you that you have three weeks to live, what's the best thing to do?

'Sixties rock star's face appears on cork tile'

Today the news was released that Pretty Things lead singer Phil May's face appeared on a cork tile at a remote Devon farmhouse. The local farmer was shocked and stunned by the find on his bathroom floor.

'I've read in the papers about people finding Jesus's face on a piece of toast, and I can't believe it has now happened to me. But I don't think it will change my life - I'll be out there feeding the cows in the morning just like I always am'.

No-one is expected to make the long trip down to Devon to witness the find. Phil May is remembered by his generation as the popstar with the longest hair on TV in the mid 60s.

R.I.P. My sense of humour

Politically, I am now officially to the right of Ghengis Khan.

Yes, after nearly sixty years I have finally completed the transition from a left wing pinko to a hard line fascist. I am now slightly to the right of Ghengis Khan which puts me just to the left of Margaret Thatcher.
So what has brought about this gradual transition? Well, I think the main thing is I can't cope with 'reasonableness' any more. It just causes so many problems. It's all very well to be reasonable but there are too many repercussions. It all just comes at too high a price.
I think we have contaminated the conciousness of our population. We have created an environment where people can't think for themselves, or look after themselves. It has happened unknowingly, just because it is quite reasonable to look after one another - after all, isn't that what civilisation is about.
From birth to death we instill fear into the people, to the point where they are scared to live. We are ending up with a population of people with no guts and built in parasitic tendencies. Aaaaaaaaagh I can't stand it any more!
I started out with the intention of writing a serious post about my views on how to bring up kids, but anyway, hope you get the drift.

Hello, I'm a first aider. Can you hear me?

Can you imagine my surprise when I ended up giving an unconscious and gorgeous Melinda messenger lookalike, a top to toe examination on my first aid course today? By the end of that she was fine, but boy, I needed CPR, and fast!

I scraped through the theory exam this afternoon. 20 multiple choice questions and I managed to get 17 right. Hopefully when I come across my first real life first aid situation, a multiple choice box will pop up to enable me to at least have a fighting chance of giving the patient the correct treatment.

Tomorrow I face three live stuations - one with a patient who isn't breathing, one with one who is breathing, and one accident scenario that I have to take charge of. Nervous, me, you bet? Today in the practice session I made a right tit of myself.

The life of a yogi

I am surrounded by women.
The horse world is predominently female, at least the leisure horse world, which is where I mainly hang out. There are a few of us blokes, maybe making up about 10% of the total.
I spent yesterday in my digger digging a trench so that we can install the much needed electric supply to our tack room (for the kettle ok!). Every time I turned the digger off, and I am talking all day here, I could here the sound of female talk and laughter coming from the house (up to 50 yards away). That's all they did all day, and then when it cooled down a bit, they got their horses out and went for a ride.
Dont you just love them!

Early one morning

When I started this blog I had something to say. I had some attitude, and I was happy that I had found a place to express myself.
Maybe it was because for years I had no where to write.
As time has gone by, I feel more free from the 'attitude'. Only occasionally do I feel angry and compelled to swear about some stupid thing man is getting up to somewhere on the planet.
I think, perhaps with age, I am more accepting of the human condition, and the strange situation we exist in.

Does nothing matter?

I've always been fascinated by nothing. I like the way it is made of two words, 'no thing'.

Sometimes I try to experience nothing. I actually really like it. But if I am honest, it's not really nothing. What I am talking about is 'no thoughts'. There is still something going on there though - I am still alive. It is a deeply peaceful place.

Maybe when I die, that is truly nothing.

Does nothing exist?

You can take the meat-eater out of the farmer, but you can't take the farmer out of the vegetarian

So Far
Fourteen sheep lambed - seven to go. Sixteen live lambs and two dead.



Nine cows calved - two to go. Eight healthy calves and one dozy one on a bottle.



One horse foaled - one to go.



And Chloe's afterbirth

This is unbelievable.

On Good Friday I made my confession online, and this morning, Easter day, I received Holy Communion, delivered to me in a polystyrene container by a courier van. It came complete with a DVD of a conveniently shortened version of Easter mass.

So without moving my arse more than ten metres my soul was cleansed. I have to say I do find it heartening that the church has embraced the computer age in this way. Not only convenient for me, but also green for the planet. I call that a win win situation!

Frank, I love you.

Inspired by Leni I just had to put this up. It's long but stick with it - it's a blast!

Taking a break

To the last few readers - I'm taking a break. Really busy on other stuff. Hope to come back soon.
Love
Tom