An American Weekend

The last few days have been full on American - it's been fun.

We left Harry's and drove to Kelly and Brian's. Kelly is the girl in charge of my avi's second life partner, Rosie. We met up face to face a week ago and kind of got to know each other a bit, but actually we knew each other quite well already - we have been partners in Secondlife for over a year. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but for some reason I assumed Kelly would weigh at least 20 stone - see a lot of secondlifers have these really hot avis to make up for themselves not being so hot in Real Life (not me, of course). In fact Kelly turned out to be one of the smallest Americans we have seen. Not only is she a normal size, she is a normal person (I get the feeling sometimes that that is unusual for second lifers). We, that is me and Sarah, and Kelly and her husband Brian, all had a great weekend.

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Me and Kelly - see, we're normal

So much happened this weekend, so I'll just cover the highlights for now - the in depth psychological stuff between me and K and our avis will be appearing shortly in the book I am currently writing about my year in Secondlife.

My favourite bit of the weekend was watching an American football game on telly from beginning to end - it lasted four hours. It took me about half an hour to suss the rules but once I got into it, it was really quite exciting. We all trooped round to Brian's son's house to watch the game and it was doubly good because their team, the Arizona Devils won.

Me and Brian watching the game

The previous night we had attended a full on American halloween party at the same house. This included me and Sarah both wearing fancy dress (no photos available as yet, but see artists impression below) and for me, consuming vast quantities of beer and jelly shots (some form of alcohol in lumps of jelly - really easy to eat but quite intoxicating).

I have got quite fond of the American people on this trip. They have made us very welcome and actually, even though their culture is obviously completely and ridiculously consumerist and totally unsustainable, I think the wealth and the vast spaces they live in does give them a bit of a feeling of lightness and freedom. We have mainly mixed with the wealthier middle classes and we haven't been near the cities, guess there we would see a different story. The party was unbelievable - about 100 guests all in over the top fancy dress, and the house was decorated beyond anything I have ever seen. There was an artist to do our portraits, a DJ, a free bar, stacks of food, and as far as I could tell, absolutely no dope at all (when I have a few drinks I always revert to my old ways and crave a smoke or two later in the evening).
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I spent quite a lot of time talking, or maybe listening to a 'nail technician', the most fast talking person I have ever heard. In the end I had to get her to practise her english accent to slow her down enough for me to understand her. We also had a nice chat with Brian's daughter Jenny and her husband Mathew. Mathew is a philosopher, or should I say that is what he qualified as, and he is in the process realising that there aren't so many vacancies for philosophers right now. Anyway what I am getting to is that the conversation gave Sarah the chance to throw in her only philosophical quote, 'life is nasty, brutish and short', correctly spotted by Mathew, as having been an observation of the seventeenth century philosopher Thomas Hobbs.

And yes, we also went to Walmart. And now I am going to tell you why we are coming home from America in three days time - cos I don't want my sweet wife to end up looking like this.....
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An Englishman’s guide to Rodeo (from a sample of two)

Bareback Riding

This is some event – I never realised about the bucking strap – it is quite tight around behind the horse’s belly. As soon as either the rider gets bucked off or the eight seconds is up, these other two guys ride in and get the strap off as fast as they can. It’s impressive riding. Their job is also to go in alongside the bucker and allow the rider to grab them and pull himself to safety.
So how do you stay on these fearsome buckers – well it seems to me that these guys hold on real tight to the girth strap and somehow, god knows how, keep their centres of gravity right with the horses. They lie back along the length of the horse and hang in there. They get extra points for raking their legs along the horse to try and get extra bucks out of him.

Calf Roping

Well, if I got a shock with the bucking strap I got even more of a shock with this event. This little calf runs out of the pen and the rider chases it, lassoes it, it kind of gets mightily jerked over backwards. The horse just stands holding the rope taut while the rider gets off, grabs the calf and ties three of its feet together so it can’t move. The whole event is timed and the winner is the quickest to get it done.

Breakaway Calf Roping

Pretty much the same event except it’s for the cowgirls. The calf runs out of the chute, gets chased and roped and then the rider stops and a string breaks to release the rope from the saddle horn. Again quickest time is the winner.

Saddle Bronc Riding

I really enjoyed this event because generally speaking, the guys managed to stay on and give a bit of a show. It’s the same as the first event but with a saddle. And yes, the bucking straps were there too. For any over-sensitive limeys in the crowd, the MC did explain hat these horse’s do eight seconds work a week, and I am going to add to that, some of them are damn good at their jobs. There is a real feeling of respect for the really good buckers. To win the competition it really helps to get a good draw. A horse that helps you give a good performance is the one to ride – It’s more about performance than staying on.

Calf Scramble

All the kids under twelve get in the ring and they release five calves with yellow ribbons on their tails. Any kid who gets a ribbon wins $5 – They’re keen!

Steer Wrestling (Bulldogging)

They say this is one of the most dangerous sports. There are two guys working together – one is a hazer who keeps the calf in line and the other is the catcher. The catcher has to ride alongside the calf, grab the horns before he dismounts, and then get off the horse and turn the calf over. One thing is for sure, it ain’t easy. Only about three guys out of the entry succeeded, and it was damn difficult to get a photo of too.

Barrel Racing

Another event for the cow girls and hell couldn’t they ride. Timed with an electronic timer they rode round three barrels in a clover leaf formation. Amazingly out of a dozen riders they all timed in with a couple of seconds of each other – I think the winner’s time was 17.1 seconds.

Team Roping

The calf comes out of the chute and one guy ropes the head and the other guy ropes the back legs. I was stunned by the first one I watched (have to say subsequent ones weren’t quite so dramatic). This calf was just running along and suddenly it was suspended mid air between these two ropers. God alone knows how it survived – if that had happened to me it would have broke my back.

Bull Riding

Yes, what we have all been waiting all evening to watch, and boy, this is exciting stuff. Basically mad people getting on mad bulls and trying to stay on for eight seconds. Success rate – very low. The bulls are fondly described as each rider prepares to go. ‘No-one has stayed on this guy ever’, or ‘champion bull at the National Rodeo’ etc etc. One pair was described as the pairing we have all been waiting for, the champion bull with the champion rider.
The one that no-one has ever managed to ride took about two seconds to get rid of his rider – it is fearsome stuff. One bull ran right across the ring and chucked the rider into the fence right by us. He did his eight seconds but got up and looked like he had no idea what was going on.
Absolutely riveting stuff – I loved it.

And by the end of it I have to say, Yes, I am a bit of a fan of Rodeo.

Day three at Harry's

This is a picture of Harry riding a young mustang. It settled down almost immediately when Harry got on – he makes it very simple for the horse.

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Day three at Harry’s and what can I say. I am actually quite confronted by how much he can get done with so little physical effort. Harry is quite willing to get in there and work with the students’ horses. Sometimes he volunteers and sometimes they just ask him to and he does. It is great watching him work – like something out of the old days, a bit how I imagine it must have been watching the Tom Dorrance or Ray Hunt (obviously I’ve not seen either so this is definitely in my imagination only). When he rides he talks what he is doing – it is just incredible. The horses love his clarity – he makes them feel so good.
When students ask questions the answer is so often, ‘well maybe, or maybe not’ - not those words but the sentiment of ‘well it depends on so many things’, prevails. It’s funny because I can see some of the students desperately looking for technique and formula, but boy it’s not really there. Not to say Harry isn’t effective, because he is very effective indeed. A lot of the actual horsemanship is almost identical to Mark’s, but it is presented to the students in a different way. Mark is way more workmanlike and ‘get the job done’, which I really like, but Harry really emphasises the importance of the way it looks to the horse too.
The clearest thing to come across, and the thing I really want to take home with me, is that the horse’s feet follow his thoughts. Direct the thought and away you go. Watching Harry set this up on the ground and seeing the horse begin to work in this way, you can really see how this could start to come through in the ridden too. The horse starts to look for the thought you want instead of the threat of what might happen if he doesn’t move – I can see that it could be very cool indeed once it becomes established.
So that’s all the good stuff, well obviously not all of it. But the most confronting thing for me has been all the round pen work that Harry does. I guess because we became so disillusioned with ‘Join Up’ and all the marketing and hype etc that goes with it, we maybe threw the baby out with the bathwater. Not totally convinced by this actually, but it is obvious Harry thinks you can set up changes in the pen that are useful for you and the horse. What Harry does is nothing like Join Up, but he does get the horse following the owner, and actually today he sorted out a ‘draggy’ leadrope problem in this way. It took a long time but I can see that it was quite effective – there was no doubt the horse changed its mind about things and kept up with the handler no problem after the session.
I must say I am not so sure about doing loads of groundwork, which all the students seem to take as read that has to happen, but some things I’ve seen this week have been really good. Watching Harry get the horse to do small circles on the leadrope was excellent, and as I have already said, the ‘following the thought’ stuff was brilliant too.
Loads of good stuff really, could go on and on. If any non-horsey readers are still with me, well here is something for you. Me and Sarah are still together and still love each other Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. Yuk how sick-making!!!!

God Bless America

One thing I have learnt about working with horses is that it works better if you don’t worry about what might happen. If you really want to see this philosophy in action then take a trip to a rodeo – these guys have balls. When they lower themselves down onto the bulls in the bucking shoots they know they are going to be chucked off. They know even if they last the eight seconds they’ve still got to get out of there somehow – it’s a high stakes sport.

So the guys riding in the rodeo, probably more than anything I’ve seen so far, represent America for me. We’re not going to ‘talk this through’, we’re not going to consider the consequences, we’re just going to go for it. On our journey from Colorado through Arizona I have spent a lot of time thinking about how all these people ended up in this country. Over the last 300 years all the white guys streaming over the Atlantic to the east coast and spreading out over this vast area looking for opportunities to make a living. Little homesteads everywhere, mining towns, mountain passes, railways, settlements in the middle of nowhere – it’s a fantastically rich history all crammed in to a very short time.

And when the white man got here he only found out that someone was already here. The native Americans had this place working pretty well up till then – they must have got quite a shock seeing these desperate whiteys pitching up on their patch.

All my ideas of the history of the USA have come from the movies, so they’re probably pretty wide of the mark. But just meeting the people you get a picture of a fairly unsettled past. Pretty much everyone you meet is only too ready to tell you their history – half Irish, half Scottish, Scandinavian, Italian. Then there are the Black guys who I have hardly come across on this trip through the mid-west. And then there are the Indians – I only talked to one so far and he was trying to blag me for $8 to help get his wife and kids back to Albuquerque – I just bullshitted back to him as hard as he was bullshitting to me, but I watched his next client shell out what I guess was a $10 bill. And now there are the Indian Indians who have moved in on the motels and the convenience stores. For sure it is a multi-cultural society and I love that part about it.

One girl from the deep south was telling me about a phone call she had from her mother last weekend. ‘Well honey, do you know on Sunday a black came into our church. I got up and left, of course’. But generally speaking, at least around where we’ve been, they’re all getting along not too bad.

One thing that draws a lot of these people together is the horses. A lot of the rodeo riders are Indians, and a lot of the spectators are too. And at the second rodeo we went to in Salome there was a long line of Mexicans up against the rail, all the same size, about 5’ 6”, and all wearing base ball caps, and all with moustaches. I missed that photo, don’t know why.

And through it all is woven this really crackpot idea that somehow this is God’s country, and Jesus is looking after us all and so on. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with god – I actually believe in god myself, not the god most of these guys are envisaging, that’s for sure. This absolutely bizarre idea that America, the nation, is some special thing on this planet – where the f*** did that come from? When you listen to the prayers at the beginning of the rodeos its almost pathetic some of the stuff they are saying. Praying for ‘our boys out there in the middle east, fighting for freedom, so that they can come home and enjoy the rodeo, like we are privileged to be doing right now’. Were they always this bonkers or was it the twin towers that sparked off this crazy jingoistic crap?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not everyone, and even those that are caught up in it are nice enough people. I hope I’m never going to let stuff like that stop me from enjoying someone’s company. Funnily enough the only two times I really had to walk away from anyone in my whole life were when I ended up talking to religious fanatics. One was a fundamental christian in a tiny town in Wales, and the other was a fundamental muslim on a pavement in Manchester – I couldn’t find the heart in either of those guys.

Some technical difficulties

Hi Everyone (Vicus and Janey), No broadband here so posts may be sporadic this week. I will write them as I go. Been to two rodeos, met my cyber fiancee, and am now at Harry's. So much to tell - just need time and a connection.
Watched Harry work all day today with six horses and their owners. Interesting to watch his round pen work, especially after being involved with the Monty stuff a few years ago. Also because we are pretty specific about the purposes of our groundwork these days it is quite thought provoking to watch 'hooking on' and so on, not having done it for years ourselves.
Meeting Rosie was mind blowing, sweet lady - we are going to a halloween party with her and Brian, her husband, at the weekend.
As for the rodeos, I have loads of photos and am planning an englishman's guide to the 'greatest sport in the world' (their words not mine).

Phew!

It's hot in Arizona!

Ghost Town

We stopped for coffee in Jerome. It used to be a thriving mining town on the mountainside, but for several reasons the mining finished in the 1950s. The population dropped from 15,000 to a few hundred virtually overnight. Now it is populated by artists and writers, and pretty much all the shops are aimed at the tourist trade. It is a sweet place and we were happy to hang around there for a couple of hours.

We sat on a terrace and drank our coffee. I chatted to Ingrid, the owner of a kind of new age gift shop. She was about my age and she talked with a thick eastern European accent. It turned out she was from Budapest. I asked her what it was like living in Jerome. She explained to me that 800,000 people live in LA (I’m sure it’s more than that) and only 400 live in Jerome – there has to be some reason for that.
Ingrid’s philosophy of life was that whatever, life is difficult, and to live we have to learn survival strategies. I explained to her that my philosophy is that if you are alive it’s because you got lucky – sure life can be difficult but try to enjoy it best you can. She didn’t really buy into that but she did give it some thought.

I have been doing most of the driving and I am in need of a break. It is fun cruising along but also tiring. I wanted to press on to Wickenberg and pitch camp for a few days before we go to Harry’s. We pulled in to the tourist information (it saves so much time as they swamp you with leaflets, maps and ideas of what to do and where to go) and got details of the rodeo action here this weekend. Whahey, two rodeos to go to, plus other stuff too. This town is about mining and horses. There are tack shops everywhere. Tomorrow we are going to the rodeo grounds to try and get schedules so we don’t miss stuff.

Just to prove we been there

Doesn't show up so well in the photo, but it's Bedrock City. We didn't go in - I guess that's their loss, not ours.
















Well we were passing so we had to go look. I absolutely freak at organised tourism, and guess what, this was no different. Thousands of people all ticking off the seventh wonder of the world in their 'Places I have been' books. Sarah wasn't well either so after about 15 minutes I was ready to punch someone.



















We quickly retreated to our RV before I spoilt anyone else's day, and headed out into the glorious open space of America's highways. There is a kind of freedom that you feel 'drivin' down the highway'.

Anyway, ended up in Sedona on a beautiful quiet site with trees and shade. This part of Arizona is just beautiful. By the way, we saw our first cactus today too - it was an Opuntia Robusta, I know that cos I used to collect cacti.

Does anyone else find this progam irritatingly crap. I can't move this picture down so apologies for that. See now I can move it Grrrrrrr. Seeing the Indians has been a powerful experience for me - of course as I have already said, I am aware that is in large part because I have been carrying round a load of emotional stuff about them since I was a kid. So I wanted to get some shots of how they live now, mainly in scruffy little shacks in scruffy little settlements, but we left their land before I had the chance. Anyway, here is a shot of how they used to live - nice isn't it!

On our way back through New Mexico we will be travelling through Indian territory again - I will try to get the shots I want there.

Into Indian territory courtesy of Burger King

We set off early this morning to try to break the back of the journey south. Sarah took the first go driving and got us to Monticello but we couldn’t find a coffee house anywhere. Some of these small towns have to be seen to be believed – they are so scruffy and look like they have been dumped there without a care. There just isn’t anywhere in UK like that anymore – all available space is taken and is worth serious money, and is consequently either tidy or being tidied. In England you couldn’t really find just acres of land with rusted out cars, falling down shacks, collapsing mobile homes and piles of industrial junk sprawled all over it. Someone from up North is gonna come on now and say, ‘have you not seen the wasteland behind Safeway’s in Bolton?’

So my turn to drive and yes, you guessed it, more red stone. Sarah was loving it clicking away on the camera at all the ‘amazing’ natural phenomena. I couldn’t get my mind of the 400 plus miles we still have to drive to get to Wickenburg, so we sped along pretty fast. We soon entered the Navajo Nation and found a smart café/gift shop where we had lunch.

This was my first meeting with the Native American people, and I found the whole thing very emotional. Since I was a kid I always supported the Indians against the cowboys or the military, and as time went on I realised my instincts were correct. And now here I was in their territory, or at least the land we left for them after we took the best stuff; and man, I just felt ashamed to be a white man. Now I know this is bollocks because it wasn’t me that crapped all over them – logically I know that, and I know I never would either, and this interests me, because this is just another example of how logic and life are often away aways apart. But seeing those guys made me want to cry, not because of their sadness or anything like that – as far as I know they don’t give a shit – but I wanted in some way to try to make it fair – I know it can’t be done, and anyways, who says life has to be fair. So this is me here right now recording my emotions on meeting with the Native American people.

This dichotomy between logic and reality came up a lot at the weeklong clinic we just did. There was quite a lot of very logical ‘life’ advice, and me just thinking, ‘man, it’s all very well to say these things but they are not so likely to be matching up with what the person your talking to is experiencing’. Stuff like, what is the point of worrying about tomorrow - well anyone knows the logic of that, but don’t tell me you never do. Or if your girlfriend leaves you and someone says, ‘well she’s gone now, just move on’. Bollocks I say to that, that’s about as much help as nothing – in fact it’s worse than nothing in my opinion. It’s just a trite excuse to avoid giving some love and support that might actually be of some help. As you can see I’m on a bit of a mission against the self-improvement brigade – they’re beginning to seriously do my head in.

We drove on and came across an old fort built by the Mormon crusaders in the 19th century, as a base from where they could fan out into the area. It was a cool place and they seemed to be good people. I’m not so sure I would have wanted them on my patch if I’d been a Navajo though. The photo below is what the Mormon's travelled in - today of course they mainly use Ford Zetec's.

And then we landed up in Tuba City. Phew, what a scruffy shithole of a place! But maybe things are changing. There seems to be lots of building going on and hopefully incoming money will get things going for these guys. The whole Indian thing all seems a little desperate in some way. I know this sounds corny but it almost looks like they haven’t ever recovered from having the crap beaten out of them in their recent history. Maybe I’ve got that wrong, but the whole territory is littered with falling down shacks and scruffy settlements. There doesn’t seem to be a ‘tidy up the place’ gene in the mix somehow. Maybe they just aren’t meant to live like this.

Red Rock Overload

Every time I look out of the window I see red rocks. We still have to travel through over 200 miles more of this before we even get the Grand Canyon - is that going to be red too! I'm in red rock overload right now, and I can't wait to get to Wickenburg and set up camp next to the rodeo grounds. We have sussed out that there is pretty much non-stop horse action in Wickenburg and quite frankly, after my amazing time with Zuni, all I want to do is watch horse stuff.

Yesterday we travelled on down the I 70 and stopped for coffee in a small town called Pallisades. We have really got into our small town morning coffee breaks - just sit and soak in the vibe man! I have to say it is hard to find anything interesting to say about Pallisades - it was absolutely plain as could be. Nothing happening, big wide streets with no traffic, about ten shops and a bank. Absolutely loved the place.

Then we pressed on to Murdoch's, that's a store, not a town. I may have mentioned it before - it is like a huge version of Mole Valley Farmers, and I needed to do my shopping. The tack section is fantastic and truly we could have gone on a spending riot. I have just clocked Carhartt clothing - didn't buy any yet cos in US terms it's expensive - it's really top quality work gear that looks like it will last forever.

We were quite a bit cash poorer as we left Murdoch's and headed off towards Utah. Suddenly the landscape changes and there are very few people and places about. The first place in Utah we saw was a little settlement called Cisco, advertised from the road as having no facilities. Actually I would have taken a photo of Cisco except I didn't realise we had driven through it. It was basically a couple of falling down houses, some old trailers and a pile of scrap cars. Just a little on the threatening side really - if you happen to live there and are reading this drop me an email - I'd love to hear from you.

Onward, onward, onward, through seemingly endless 'unbelievable' red rock scenery - I'm sorry! it is awsome, but in the last three days I have seen more awesome scenery than I can even begin to tell you about . I'm kinda awsomed out right now.

White man he speak with forked tongue!

Me:
'What a glorious site'
Sarah:
'Yes, aren't these rock formations fantastic'
Tom:
'Where've you just been?'
Sarah:
'I've just been up to the restrooms. There's a sign up there saying if you get attacked by a bear you have to fight back.'
Me:
'Fuck that, let's go stay in a travel lodge.'



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Sarah:
'Is your last post funny?'
Tom:
'I'm a bit like Jack Kerouac Babe, I just write what I feel.'
Sarah:
'Yeah you are, he was a tosser wasn't he!'

Loveland to Glenwood

We set off from Loveland on our journey to Harry Whitney's place in Salome AZ. We have eight days to get there and our first stop was Wholefood Market in Fort Collins. Now, this place (WM) is beginning to feel like home for us - it's safe, the staff are cool, it serves good coffee, and sells all the organic supplies you could ever need. We stocked up for two weeks cos the next store we get to is after Harry's, in Phoenix. We then drove to Estes Park which to put it politely was a bit like visiting Cheddar Gorge x 10, or Widecombe in the Moor x 100. I briefly looked for a bumper sticker I want to buy, without success - it says, 'I am trying to listen to your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up your arse'.
Then we met up with Wolf and his girlfriend Nicole. Wolf is a friend of my character in Secondlife, so meeting his real life character was always going to be interesting. When I first entered the Secondlife world, Wolf was the first person I met, and we became good friends. We had many great chats about philosophy, culture and so on, subjects I know little about but love talking about. We even had a mighty fall out over Rosie, who was a mutual friend and was later to become my SL partner. Our friendship survived that, but we never really rekindled the old days as they were.
But it was great to meet up, and now Wolf has got himself a pretty girl in the real world, and she's into wolves too. Somwhere miles back on this blog, there is a post about Wolf if you are interested - he is a therian which basically means he relates very strongly to wolves. While we were with him he showed us this wolf skin he is saving up to buy right now.
So we said goodbye to Wolf and climbed into bed, exhausted by this holiday, and desperately needing a few relaxing days.

When we woke up yesterday morning there was snow on the ground. The mountain pass we were planning on driving over was closed for the forseeable future. So we set off south to cross the Rockies at a more hospitable place. On the way we called in at a small town called Lyons, for our morning coffee. The coffee shop was really cool - run by old hippies for old hippies. I don't know if it's just around the Boulder area or what, but there are so many old freaks around the place - far more than in UK. In fact I would go as far as to say that in UK most of the old freaks, including myself really, have kind of left the image behind a little. Here they are hanging on to their pony tails - I kinda like it like that but no way would I go back to it myself - it's got to be eight years since I bought my horse shears and felt the joy of not being pigeon holed on sight.

We drove for miles through the snow and eventually reached the I 70. And on and on west to Glenwood where we pitched up on a site without wi fi, grrrrrrr. So this post should have been up last night and now I still have to write about today and I am really tired so maybe I'll have to leave it to the morning. Suffice to say that it has been a good day, and I have near as dammit completed my shopping - you should see my cool new boots (actually they are the plainest I could find but boy they are comfortable with it). Just shopping for the family to go now - I may have to resort to Grand Canyon mugs.

The Diner

So we set off with Dave and Gina in their 6.7 litre Chevvy truck to eat out at the Diner. One thing I wanted to do on this trip is 'see America'. I don't mean the Grand Canyon or any of that stuff, I mean the culture, the people, the feeling of the place - stuff like that. For years I have held a real down on the yanks cos of things they have done round the place, but when I met my little avi friend Rosie, from Phoenix, I started to realise that yanks are people too - they breathe, they have hearts, they have the same emotions as us. Yes, they think a bit differently for sure, and what makes that happen, that's the bit of America that fascinates me.

We pull up at the diner and boy oh boy, there it is - full on or what! I immediatelly fall totally in love with all the waitress's. The one serving us is called Chichi and she chews gum all the time. When she finds out we are English she decides to treat us to Sarah's pretend birthday party. My oh my, what a gal! She calls together all the waitresses and announces to the entire restaurant, that we are from England and she wants to give us an evening to remember. She gets together half a dozen waitress's and one just utterly superb, great big black gay waiter, and somehow gets us all doing the twist in the aisle. This is the kind of stuff that I normally would die to avoid but somehow Chichi made it fun - she was one cool babe. Mind you, as Dave said, 'imagine living with that smile 24 hours a day'.

The gal below is Cora - she has to be seen to be believed. When I asked her to stand out there for the photo she said, 'you need the socks yeah'. I absolutely loved her.

The food, well, there was only one veggie option - a sort of cheesey toasted sandwich. I had fries with mine - just a small portion you understand, plus a malt milk shake with ice cream. I have now been here 10 days and have approximately doubled in weight.

We followed up the diner with a trip to a great country and western barn, with a really quite good live band. Gina and Dave did some cool dancing, and then Dave took Sarah on the dancefloor and taught her a dance too - now just how did he do that, in a million years she wouldn't dance with me, cos basically she just says, ' No way, you dance like your Dad'. My thanks to Gina for not insisting I dance with her too.

I was mesmerised by some of the dancers - boy, some of those moves were cool. I'm gonna make a study of this next time I come over here - do the best dancers pull the prettiest gals, it sure looked like that was the case to me. Bollocks, that's me out again!

Zuni - The last day

I know there is only one person who reads this who is interested in horsemanship, so this is for you, but I have to write this down for my own record too. Today was good!

I set out knowing that my horse thought his job was to stay in halt and make the minimum of effort when he was asked to move. He had been taught that by all his previous experiences. My job was to explain to him that in fact that was no longer his job - his new job is to go when asked at the speed he is being asked to go.

First we worked the cows and if I had been at home I wouldn't have used Zuni for that job, not right now anyway, because I had to ask him forward sometimes and then I couldn't back up my ask because of the situation with the cows. A couple of times I did feel Zuni flow forwards, but a lot of what happened was confirming to him that he was getting it right to be hesitant about the forward.

But anyway, in the afternoon I got out there and gave my all to have a good last session. Mark, as usual, was there to back me up, and quite quickly I could feel Zuni start to think about the possibility that the new job might be the way to go. The feeling I had begun to feel last night was still there just right there, right under the surface. I felt the door begin to open and I was in there ready to go myself. I was amazed at how quickly the change happened - I felt the walk loosen up, and then the jog, and then he just started to speed up. Almost straightaway we got into a real lively trot and I could feel the canter right there. I didn't hold him back, but I didn't encourage him either, because I wanted to set him up nice and soft in walk and trot before I went for the canter. Again it was mindblowing how easy this was - in minutes I was walking and trotting him round the field, nice and soft and rounded up.

I knew he would canter if I asked him too - how different this was to the horse I was with four days before. Now, I know that horse had cantered not long ago, but not because he wanted to, at least I don't think it was anyway. But now he definitely wanted to, so I went for it and away we went. Wow, what a horse, so soft and comfortable. I cantered him about five or six times here and there around the place - every time he was ready to go when I asked him. The afternoon was over and I was so happy with my horse.

I guess many people could have done that job in a quarter of the time, but I was chuffed with the work I had done. Zuni was happy too - now he knew what his new job was he was only too ready to give it a try, and my oh my, he was pretty good at it too. I would have liked another week to take him on from there!

Horses Again - Last but one day

So by the end of today me and Zuni were starting to get together. Mark has this new way of explaining the balance between the horse and the rider - perfect balance being five and five. Here we are talking about what you each bring to the deal, not physical balance, so on day one Zuni bought a one and I needed to bring a nine. With my nine we could get up and running and then I could start to look for Zuni to up his contribution towards a five.
Well, if you know me you will know that coming up with a lot of forward when I'm on the back of a horse is something I have found quite difficult. For lot of reasons really. I have always thought, because of the way I am, and because of the influence of what you might call the trends in the leisure horse world over the last 20 years, there should be a way of doing things that is 'pretty pretty'.
Well whatever, I worked at getting this horse going and now when I put my legs on, most of the time he responds with a faster walk, or jog. Sometimes he forgets, or doesn't notice my ask, which over the years has been his default, so I back my ask up with a fairly strong second ask. It's all very simple - just at this level having and finding the belief in myself to do it was quite something. I've got that sorted now and the Zunster is starting to show up at last.
This afternoon I got him going forward in walk and jog, soft and round, and bringing what I would say was maybe a four, to the party. It felt good!
So tomorrow, more of the same. It's kinda funny, cos I imagined I would be working on a perfect horses and honing my riding skills - in fact I have been working on a job that needs doing, and actually I have learnt more about me and my approach to horsemanship, which in the end is the job that needs to be done.
Tough stuff - not for the faint hearted!
So by the end of today me and Zuni were starting to get together. Mark has this new way of explaining the balance between the horse and the rider - perfect balance being five and five. Here we are talking about what you each bring to the deal, not physical balance, so on day one Zuni bought a one and I needed to bring a nine. With my nine we could get up and running and then I could start to look for Zuni to up his contribution towards a five.
Well, if you know me you will know that coming up with a lot of forward when I'm on the back of a horse is something I have found quite difficult. For lot of reasons really. I have always thought, because of the way I am, and because of the influence of what you might call the trends in the leisure horse world over the last 20 years, there should be a way of doing things that is 'pretty pretty'.
Well whatever, I worked at getting this horse going and now when I put my legs on, most of the time he responds with a faster walk, or jog. Sometimes he forgets, or doesn't notice my ask, which over the years has been his default, so I back my ask up with a fairly strong second ask. It's all very simple - just at this level having and finding the belief in myself to do it was quite something. I've got that sorted now and the Zunster is starting to show up at last.
This afternoon I got him going forward in walk and jog, soft and round, and bringing what I would say was maybe a four, to the party. It felt good!
So tomorrow, more of the same. It's kinda funny, cos I imagined I would be working on a perfect horses and honing my riding skills - in fact I have been working on a job that needs doing, and actually I have learnt more about me and my approach to horsemanship, which in the end is the job that needs to be done.
Tough stuff - not for the faint hearted!

Zuni - oh my oh my!

That's not Zuni, that's Sarah on Tuff.

Day three of the clinic and this morning we were working cattle. My horse Zuni was pretty ok at it but it became so clear that even in walk and jog he is actually still in halt in his mind. I spoke to Mark about how to break that huge brace he has in his mind about moving forward. 'Whatever it takes' is basically the tactic we came up with - the horse is no use to us as he is, and he is not a lot of use to himself that way either. So Mark got on Zuni and basically rode him through his halt in a very determined way to the point where Zuni was ready to go the second he was asked. It was impressive riding and the timing of the release when Zuni went forward was perfect. I needed to see the self belief and commitment in the way Mark works - I know that is what I have to find too.

After lunch it was my turn, and hey guess what, The Zoonster was pretty ok. Once he realised I wasn't going to accept no forward he started to come through for me with a bit more purpose. One thing I have really picked up on here this week, is if the horse knows what the job is then pretty much he is more than happy to do it - my job is to make his job clear to him. I spent an hour or so riding him around, just trying to get a more instant (it's either instant or it's not, right - you can't have more instant, can you Vicus) and definitely forward response as soon as I asked for it. Tomorrow I aim to continue the work and add in a couple more things - watch this space.

Meanwhile my dear wife Sarah has been having fun riding her horse Tuff ( think that's his name, not sure). She looks pretty nice on him and has him going nicely too. At the end of today's session we went for a nice ride around the place side by side - awwwwwww, almost thought I loved her there for a moment!

Walmart and all!

Not sleeping too well at the moment so the price you pay is being faced with the choice to read a blog post about fucking Walmart. In case you don't know who she is, or are one of the few people who haven't fucked her, let me fill you in on the details.
Hah, for a minute there you thought this post was gonna get interesting didn't ya! Well it might yet, so hang in there now you got this far. Yesterday we went to Walmart, not cos we needed anything, but because a friend of ours was driving there and we went along for the ride. We went into this huge shed absolutely crammed full of 'consumer durables' of every description. I kid you not, this place is even bigger than Mole Valley Farmers in Newton Abbot, but could I find any sheep maggot oil, not a chance, so there you go - as my wife says, size isn't everything but it might help.
Actually I did find a nice pair of regular fit Wrangler jeans for $15. That's a bargain I couldn't resist. Vicus, that's about £7.50 in real money - it costs me a tenner for jeans in MVF and that's not even a brand name make. And the Mrs bought some Advil, that's Ibuprofin in English I believe.
When we got to the till we were served by a 30 stone 17 year old youth who moved at the speed of a snail on valium. I passed up on the opportunity of lecturing him on the benefits of a good wholefood diet for fear it would take him even longer to press the till keys. Apologies for sounding like such a smug bastard in that last sentence - I'll probably die choking on my aduki beans tonight.
To bring a little balance into this post I do have to say that so far I have found the american people to be an absolute joy. Even outside Denver airport where we had to wait for an hour for a hotel shuttle, and I felt quite scared, pretty much everyone was 'cooooool'.

Riding my Horse

So today we got to ride horses. If any of you reading this don't know about horses, they kind of reflect where you are at. And they have this sometimes annoying habit of making you face the things you don't want to face but maybe need to.

So today I saddled up my horse and I was really looking forward to riding him. I got on and within five steps I just knew, 'oh boy, me and this horse are gonna make hard work of this'. Now as I write this I can almost hear Mark, the trainer we are working with, thinking, if not saying, 'well, if that's what you're thinking, that's probably what you'll be getting'.

My horse is a 15.2hh mustang called Zuni (second from the back in the photo), and one way and another he doesn't put a lot of energy out there for me to use. This is a bit of a theme in my horsemanship - laid back horses. And because of the way I am, a little 'laid back' myself, it's pretty easy for us to end up going nowhere fast. So today I made a good start, with the help of Zuni, on finding a way to bring more energy into my riding. See it's all fine if I have an energetic horse, although I tend to slow them down too, but when I get a less keen horse I really have got to be able to find a way forward, so whatever my dreams about this week, the job I have to work on just happens to be the job that has been bugging me and my riding for years.

Funny how life goes - come all the way over here and here I am facing the same situation as back home in the UK. One big difference this time - I am working with a teacher I trust and am able to take advice from. So I am starting to get some stuff sorted that is well overdue sorting. Stay plugged in to see if it all works out or whether I do end up taking that night-time job in Asda stacking shelves.

Downtown in Boulder

If you are American and reading this then you might not be able to imagine what it is like for an Englishman seeing for the first time how you live over here in the USA. I have been here before but I’ve never really had time to just look – I’ve always been too busy doing stuff to spend time getting into the culture, something I really want to do on this visit.
Dave had given us some good information about where to go and what to visit, and when he found out I was an old hippy, and a vegetarian mad on organics, he directed us to Boulder. Go to Pearl Street, he said – there you will find the Wholefood Market, and you will find the original area, with its relics, of where it all started back in 1967.
So off we set in our 22’ RV, reasonably happy that at least for the outward journey it was going to be all right turns. We both had a vision of ‘downtown’ as being the part of town that would maybe be like the centre of one of our small country towns, but boy, how wrong could we have been. No small rows of shops or narrow streets – everything is huge huge huge! We parked in the Wholefood Market car park and after our marathon 3 hour shop, we set off to walk to ‘Downtown’ to a vegetarian restaurant called ‘Leaf’ that we had located on a free map of the town. We walked for a very long time and I was saying to Sarah, ‘this is a mighty wide street, when is it going to get narrow and become more quaint’. The fact is it doesn’t – it just stays wide. But it does eventually turn into a pedestrian precinct, and that is where ‘hippy overload’ kicks in. Loads of shops selling hippy clothes, and old hippies round about the place. On this particular day there was some kind of market going on and there was a live band, all old freaks, playing kind of Janis Joplin style stuff – they were pretty good too I thought.
But do you know, we were there for at least two hours and not once did I catch so much as the slightest whiff of the glorious weed that helped kick it all off forty or so years ago.
Everything in the States is designed around the car. Every store has its car park. No-one even thinks of walking anywhere. People were actually looking at us walking along as though we were just a little bit odd. We needed to buy a mobile phone and we got directed to a store called ‘Target’. I honestly can say it was in the biggest shed I have ever been in. It seemed to stretch for miles. Sarah was lagging behind by this time, absolutely knackered just from walking from front to back of this store. We also went in a hardware store called Mceuckens or something like that. It was about half the size of Target but still huge. I have to say one thing about these stores though – man, the staff are helpful, and it’s not just cos we’re English – they actually approach you and ask if you need any help. Ah, the true value of the free market – if you’re not polite you’ll lose your customers, then you’ll lose your job, and there ain’t no benefit for you to live on if that happens. But actually it seems to me like these people are just nice people.

Minnesota Nice

As we boarded the plane I said to Sarah, ‘bet it’s some great fat bastard in the seat next to us, the kind that takes half my seat as well as his own’. So we took our two seats, the middle of the three and the one next to the window, and we waited to meet our fate.
Well, it turned out to be a really nice guy from Denver called Dave, and not only was he not fat, he was really interesting to talk to. We both shared a lot of common interests, mainly economics, politics, philosophy, sport, and chatting, and our humour was not that far apart either.
I guess you didn’t know I was that boring did you – well, now you do – phew, that should throw a few of the girls off.
I never sussed out whether Dave was a Republican or a Democrat – he didn’t really want to tell me and I wasn’t going to press the issue. I suspect he was a Republican, but he wasn’t the out and out, ‘if you’re hungry, tough shit’ kind of Republican that I have met in the past. We were both in agreement on the need for a free market, but I would say Dave hadn’t really worked out just where the safety net should be for the people who just couldn’t make it.
Having witnessed what happened in the Thatcher years where, in the UK for the first time in my life I witnessed beggars and people sleeping rough on pavements, I am in no doubt about safety nets. They are a good idea if you want to maintain some semblance of a happy population. I’d personally put the net quite high and then say to everyone, ‘if you want more, feel free’.
One thing that was interesting about Dave was how seriously he took ‘Bush’s war on terror’. He was pretty scared of the whole ‘muslim’ thing, and was convinced that the correct thing to do was knock the shit out of them before they knocked it out of us. Well, as you can imagine I took a view approximately 180 degrees opposite to this, roughly in the vein of ‘you don’t go poking a wasps nest with a stick’. I’m not quite sure how Dave’s view ends up. It just seems incredible to me that people still think that somehow you can solve problems by oppression and violence. I clearly see that as what caused the problem in the first place.
One more thing about Dave - have you heard of Minnesota Nice. My little friend in Phoenix has told me about this and now I have seen it for myself. Apparently in Minnesota there are a whole bunch of people, mainly descended from Scandinavians, who are genetically, just nice people. Dave is one of these, and man, you couldn’t really wish to meet a nicer person. We must have chatted and laughed on that plane for at least five hours, and in so many ways we had so many differences, but they didn’t count for a lot really.

Joining the ‘Mile High Club’

Can you believe it? Nine hours up there in the sky and I failed to fulfil the entry requirement yet again. Maybe next time eh!
We landed at Denver airport and cruised through customs, no problem. Ended up in our hotel room and collapsed into the huge bed, which was actually half as big again as our entire bedroom at home.
The one thing about this whole trip that was worrying me was picking up the RV and driving it out of Denver on the wrong side of the road. I know everyone in this country drives on the wrong side of the road, but that still didn’t stop me being a little anxious about the situation. I had carefully worked out my route out of Denver to avoid left turns too early on, but it all went hideously wrong when I missed what should have been the fairly straightforward first right turn. Holy Crap, I ended up driving through some dire industrial estate in a desperate attempt to get back on track With traffic flying by me in all directions, I finally managed a huge left turn to take me back towards the Inter-state highway. I kept breathing, and we were soon heading north towards Dave’s place.
* * *
Today we drove down to Boulder to pick up some supplies from the Walmart of the wholefood world, ‘The Wholefood Market’. My oh my, what a shop - it is vast! We were likes pigs in shit in that store. We were in there for nearly three hours, buying so much good stuff. It was awe inspiring just watching all these Americans streaming out with their trolley loads of organic groceries. Hats off to the Yanks for this one – I know it is globalisation etc etc but to see so many people appreciating good food has got to be good. Tonight for supper we ate huge bowlfuls of organic strawberries and yoghurt, and in our fridge we now have enough good food to not have to leave this site for a whole week.
* * *

This RV is really wide. On the way home from Boulder I took out three huge traffic cones on the passenger side. Got home and took a look and thankfully no damage done to the vehicle – really don’t need that kind of hassle if it can possibly be avoided. Tomorrow we are going to relax, and eat, and on Monday we are going to be riding horses.

USA here we come!

So on Thursday we are off to the States. I know I said I wouldn't leave the Moor unless it was important, and I offer no defence for my actions. We are flying in a big jet and then driving 1500 miles in a big V8 camper van. Oh my, my environmental karma is about to be ruined - all the years of hard work I have put in are going down the pan in one four week binge. And for what exactly!

Well, we are spending a week in Colorado with Mark Rashid, our favourite horse trainer, and then we are driving down to Arizona to spend another week with another trainer, Harry Whitney. It's a working holiday.

The thing is we are so far down this road now we want to see it through. For years I have worked with horses and after about the first three or four years, which were utter confusion and bedlam, the rest have seen a steady improvement in both my understanding and my work. But the last couple of years have been just way beyond anything we have ever done before. My wife Sarah and I are now doing work that frankly, we would not have dreamt possible in the past.

So this little holiday (the first in eight years by the way) is our little treat to ourselves, to do and watch what we love doing, working with horses.

I am going to try and keep a web diary right here, so if you like working with horses in a really cool way, stay plugged in to this site and I will fill you in with all the latest as it happens. If you don't like horses, well, don't despair, there is other stuff happening too. We are touring through some really fine scenery, and also we are meeting up with two of the people behind two of my Secondlife friends - yes, Sarah and I are going to meet my Secondlife fiancee and her husband in Real Life. Whahey!!!! Also I am meeting up with my friend Wolf from Second Life - he is a therian, kind of a wolf trapped in a human body.

Old Hippy tastes success in later life!

So this year we were in the line with our two lambs and shock horror, the judge started to look at our sheep. We had already had the family group class and the pair of ewes class and as we are now quite used to, we got nowhere, but this time I turned to Sarah and quietly mumbled, 'Fuck me baby, he's looking at our sheep'.

There are four rosettes handed out in each class so we were getting really excited that we might finally win a rosette. The judge walked up and down the line of sheep and kept looking at ours - we knew we were in there somewhere, and then blow me if he didn't walk right up to us and give us the blue rosette - we politely and coolly said thankyou but inside we were exploding with excitement and pride. It was a really nice moment in our sheep career - we gave ourselves ten years to win a class and in our ninth year we did it.

And do you know what the most gratifying part of it all was, several other breeders, including proper farmers, came up and said how pleased they were and how nice our lambs were looking.

And even better, in the breed championship - that's the sort of play-off between the winners of all the classes - we got reserve champions, so all in all it was a fantastic day for our little flock of woolly beasties.

And I know in the great scheme of things in this universe, keeping Whiteface Dartmoors and going to Widecombe Fair is all about as uncosmic as you can get really, but I like it. It's like it used to be when I was a kid - Nothing much going on but a nice feeling of being with friends and talking about not very much. Winning a rosette makes it extra special too!

Grrrrrrrrrr

My blog hangs over me like a cold wet hungry animal - grrrrrrrrrr. So is there any way I can put the whole thing into abeyance, just in case I get the urge to write hugely witty and incisive posts ever again, just like I used to do in the old days.
While I am here I will take the opportunity to update anyone interested (or not) on all the latest news. I have two big phobias, no three actually, flying in aeroplanes, going to the dentist, and talking to beautiful women (when I say beautiful, I mean beautiful in the conventional sense, if you know what I mean, because obviously, as part of god's creation all women are beautiful). And the big news is I have almost conquered one of them.
I saw an advert for a dentist who specialises in nervous patients and I rang her up, and whahey, she took me on. And when I got to her surgery it turned out that she was a really nice young scottish gal who also turned out to be a really good dentist. She fixed up three fillings for me and really really, I wasn't that scared at all. The one drill freaked me out a bit - but it's the memories from the past that haunt me, not what was happening right there.
As I sat in the chair my mind drifted back through dentists I have known, the man hating lesbian in Cornwall who had one of the best days of her life removing two of my back teeth. The greasy Indian guy in Old Delhi who had one of those drills with the kind of black cord running round pulleys to power it. I didn't hang around for his offer of a stiff drink to help calm me down - I left his place and administered fresh afghani opium as my own form of pain relief. Then there was the guy that started the whole problem in the first place - when I was a kid he would terrify me by drilling every tooth in my head whether they needed it or not, and right into the nerve every fucking time - absolute fucking agony and he ruined my teeth while he was at it - the fucking bastard - Grrrrrrrrr!
So now I'm gonna go fly in an aeroplane, hopefully piloted by a nice young scottish gal - that might help. And then it will just be the small matter of beautiful women, mmmmmmm that's gonna be a tough one.

Love ya all and sorry to be so sporadic. Watch out for 'Bad acid trips 3' though, it's a corker.

Blogs, SL, and now.....

So far six people have offered me friendship on Facebook. I actually accepted from four of them, cos actually at my age you gotta get friends where you can (no seriously cos they were my kids). But then this afternoon the Mrs says to me, 'you know that Facebook thing, says here in the paper it's just an online knocking shop'. Bollocks, if only I'd known earlier I would have accepted Tracey Dacosta and Phillipa Sponga as well.
I have to say I am struggling with Facebook though. As my good friend Vicus pointed out to me, it's really for young people. You can leave messages on people's walls and you can 'poke' people. My son-in-law poked me earlier this week. I have no idea why or what response was expected of me. I am sooooo struggling to find out what it is all about. I asked my daughter and she vainly tried to explain to me how and why she could happily spend two or three hours on Facebook and yet again I came away none the wiser.
So anyway, because I am an open minded (gullible) sort of a bloke I won't give up just yet. After all I once had a quite successful blog, and I still have a pretty successful Second Life. I actually own an island and a mainland plot. My SL avi has a fiancee and we run a potentially successful Skybox enterprise. So for sure, if I can survive in those thoroughly modern virtual environments surely I can fathom Facebook. Who bloody made that anyway and what a bloody stupid thing to call it. I guess Google will be buying it shortly for god knows how many billions.

Women eh!

Yes it's spring time again.
This lady brings her mare up to go in with the stallion. So I get him out of the field and tell her to take her mare in there. I then take Fergus back in and we let them both go. He is quite a cool dude but he ain't had a mare since last spring, so he's pretty up for it.
'Goodness me he's keen', says the owner.
'She's not quite ready for him yet', says the wife.
Fergus is hanging there wondering when he's gonna get lucky. He's cool but he oh so needs it.
'She might just let him have a shag to keep him quiet', I said.
'mmm, know that feeling', said the wife and the owner simultaneously.
Women eh!

A Long Time Coming

Well you should always live in hope yeah, or at least I guess my Mrs does!
Sorry there has been such a gap between this post and the last post. I guess by now my readership is definitely down to single figures, or a single person more like.
So from 42 ewes that went to the ram, 40 were in lamb. One had a dead lamb, and one had a lamb, but then in a blind hormonal panic, ran into the horse shed and got kicked by my horse, and never got up again. I gave her lamb to my neighbour, Shirley, cos I really couldn't be bothered with bottle rearing it.
We had six sets of twins so we ended up with 45 lambs, and so far they are all doing well.
God, how nice to lie in bed in the morning and not think, 'boy, I really should go check those sheep in case there is one struggling to get a lamb out. By the way, this year I helped in four births, and I reckon maybe in two of those if I hadn't helped the ewes would never have made it.
So yesterday I got on the phone to see if I could sell the two barren ewes for organic mutton, and it turns out that Riverford farm have just started doing a meat box and they want them and they are desperate for organic lamb too. So I told them they could have all my lambs, and that I would up production this year so I could supply them with even more next year. I just think it is so great the way the organic food business is lifting off right now. Despite a government that tells us all sorts of lies about how its no different to any other food, the people know better.
Fuck the government I say. Never in my whole life have I despised politicians the way I do now. What a bunch of lying parasites. Do we really need them, do they serve any useful purpose, and is there any one person in this world that could be a politician and retain his/her integrity (apart from me obviously).

Global warming or not?

Oh my, I watched a prog on the telly last night that pretty much left me convinced that global warming due to carbon dioxide is pretty much a myth - and I believed it too. They had graphs to prove that the temperature changes are not in line with CO2 at all, but are totally in line with the warmth coming from the sun. So there you go.

Now for someone who is as green as can be, that leaves me with quite a few issues to think about. Hang on to the 4 x 4, buy the widescreen telly, book three long haul holidays instead of two, cancel the offset carbon emmissions plans, get some decent lightbulbs back in that work with dimmers, re-install the oil central heating, to mention just a few of the jobs I have to do today.

I thought one of the most interesting points made was the way all the lefties/luddites, me included I guess, have jumped on the environmentalism bandwagon in an 'I told you so', kind of way, as proof that capitalism/rampant materialism just does not work. Fuck it, after all this time I have finally realised that the fashion industry is right, and all those programmes about twats building big houses and having holidays in the sun, and telling me it's better somewhere else than where I am, are in fact totally correct. From now on its full steam ahead in the pursuit of wealth for me.
Sod the planet I say!

Did I write this post last year? Groundhog day 2 - edited lowlights. The Book of Job, Part Two, chapter one.

Every year we say we are gonna be ready for lambing this year. Then something happens and of course we're not.
So last night it was probably the wettest and windiest night of the year. I checked the sheep at about five and there was this one ewe looking a bit iffy. So about ten I thought I'd better go out and check her. Struggled over to the barn and put my waterproofs on and set off down to the field. The battery in the torch didn't have much life left in it so I walked in the dark as much as possible.
Got to the field and it was like walking in a puddle of water. The wind was wild as hell and the rain was stinging my face, and needless to say I was having one of my all too regular 'what the fuck am I doing' moments. I knew where she would be so I set off down the field to the furthest away point and guess what, she had a lamb. There was no way it would survive out in that weather so I picked it up and slowly made my way back up the field getting the ewe to follow by putting the lamb down every five metres or so for her to catch up.
At the top of the field I have to somehow get the ewe through a gate into a small paddock next to the barn. The wind is blowing so hard I could hardly open the gate. So I put the lamb on the ground the other side of the gate, held the gate open and tried to get her to go through to her lamb. A whole bunch of sheep were there and I had no idea which was the mum - in the end a couple went through and I had to take a chance that one of them was the right one. I shut the gate and carried on my way. Got the lamb to the top of the paddock but by now the ewe had lost interest. So now I tried to catch the ewe. After chasing her around for a bit I caught her and dragged her up to where the lamb was. I picked up the lamb in my other hand and struggled to the shed.
Getting them in the shed was another massive drama but anyway, I managed it and shut the door on them and went back down the field to find the torch. When I got back the sodding ewe had taken off out the back of the shed and the lamb was all on its own freezing cold. I dried it off with a towel and put it in a load of hay to keep it warm and went off after the ewe. Of course I wasn't even sure it was the right ewe either, in fact it was looking like it almost certainly wasn't.
Caught the ewe again and had a look at her back end to see if there were any signs of the birth and yes, this was the right ewe, so back up the paddock we went. By now I was pretty knackered and seriously promising myself that I would be moving into a small semi in town shortly. Got her to the shed and at last Sarah turns up to see what's going on.
We get them penned but by now the lamb is starting to give up a bit. We try to get him to suck some colostrum off the ewe but he really isn't up to it, so we decide to give him some artificial colostrum to get him going. Get to the shed to see if we have any left over from last year and find that rats have knawed through the container and eaten the lot. So Sarah sets off over the valley to pick some up from our friends place. I go in to heat some water and as I put the kettle on we have a power cut. I search for the candles in the dark and eventually get a bit of light on the subject. Get some water boiled and set off back down to the barn.
Sarah meets me there a few minutes later and we manage to stomach tube 60ml of warm colostrum down the little bastards neck.

***

6.30 this morning. The rain has stopped and it is a glorious day. Go down the barn and there the little fucker is happily sucking away on his mother. Awwwww!

Any farmers reading this and thinking, 'what a shambles', Bollocks to you.