Tom909s guide to Bossy Women

Dontcha just love em!
So here are my top four rules of how to deal with bossy women. And just remember, I am a man of some experience in this area - right now I have my wife Sarah, my SL girlfriend Rosie, and Pammie, plus my two daughters all going at me.
Hopefully these rules will be of use to all you guys who, like me, just roll over far too easily when a pretty lady comes up to you and, oh so sweetly, tells you what to do.
Rule number one, which is an absolute must, for god's sake never ever let it get to the list stage. Once you have a list I'm not sure there is any way back. It is a very basic fact of life that there is no end to a list of jobs, so don't even try.
Rule number two, and this is also very important, hand over all power on any decisions that make no difference - with some women just this simple act alone is enough to fulfil all their bossy needs.
Rule number three, if things start to get bad and you start to get really serious instructions to do difficult stuff, one very important tactic that can be very effective, is to just say yes, promise some imminent action but kind of not do a lot. This is by far a better approach than going in for a confrontation that you will almost certainly lose.
Rule number four, always be real generous with the love you give to your lady. This can deflect so much hassle, and they like this so much they often forget how good you are at doing all those little annoying jobs around the place.

A love letter to Pammie

Dearest Pammy

I know I've kind of covered this before a bit but I still think about it a lot. I guess it's because when I read your posts I see how your life is and has been so different to mine, and yet somehow we are dear friends. I will never change for anyone, not even for you Pammie babe, so I take my hat off to you for not judging me and for accepting me as I am.

I dont know if you are interested or not but here are some key points from my life so far. Really I'm doing this so that you can maybe get to know me better, and get a bit of a picture of why I am like I am - no other reason - and certainly I accept that in the great spectrum of human existence, my life has been an utter privilege.

At the age of 13 I first got drunk (on rough cider)

At the age of 17 I had my first girl, and 'All you need is Love' was released
At the age of 18 I smoked my first joint, dropped my first acid tab, and my first son was born
At the age of 20 I kind off started to realise that the real important stuff going on in this life was within me.
At the age of 21 I was sitting on a beach in India stoned out of my brains
At the age of 22 I gave up using drugs (almost anyway)
At the age of 23 I got married and my first daughter was born
At the age of 28 I had four beatiful children (5 if you count my first son)
At the age of 30 I was divorced
At the age of 31 I married my present wife, and our son was born
At the age of 45 I met my first son who I had only ever seen for two hours when he was one.

So Pammy, that's enough of this self-indulgent crap. I just wanted you to know why I think the way I do. I have so loved my life so far.

love

Tom909

One day in History

Wake up at 5.45.
Sit for one hour focussing my mind away from thought and onto the life within me.
Get up and log in to Second Life. Spend two hours talking to my friend who had just been dumped by her SL boyfriend. Couldn't really cheer her up much but arranged to talk again at lunchtime.
8.00 Take my wife a cup of tea in bed.
Have my breakfast - two slices of home-made organic wholemeal bread with organic spread and marmalade on, and two mugs of tea.
Go outside and feed the lambs. Bring my horse in and give him a feed. Spend about an hour grooming my horse and trimming his feet. Do a really good job.
11.00 Have a coffee.
Sharon and Maureen arrive to work with the horse they are buying from us. I help them for a while. We longline the horse up the road to get her used to traffic and to teach her to walk forward on cue.
1.oo Spend more time with my SL friend - she is a lot happier now. My wife Sarah brings me my lunch which I eat while I am sitting at my computer.
After lunch we go out and I trim Sarah's horse's feet and then we go and worm a sheep that has an obvious problem - being organic we are not allowed to routine worm, we can only worm in obvious cases of necessity. I feed the cats in the barn.
Sarah spends the rest of the afternoon working on her book on the computer. I do some research into some machinery we need on the farm. I feel tired so I take a nap - I've been doing this now for a few days, I'm really starting to enjoy my afternoon naps - my Dad naps too so I feel good about it.
Wake up and check my blog and those of my blogging friends, especially Vicus who is one of my oldest buddies. See this thing about a day in history and decide I should join in.
Spend an hour writing my post.....
For the purposes of completing a day, the rest of the day is what I think is going to happen. If it is dramatically different I will tell you tomorrow.
Sarah is going well on her book so I make supper. Tonight I make a rice and vegetable cheese bake - yummy! We eat pretty much 100% organic and we love our food. Afterwards we have a smoothy made from banana, apple, yoghurt and soya milk - yummy.
After supper Sarah watches telly and I go on Second Life. Just so you know, I have a little character on there who I roleplay - he is quite like me in some ways but quite different in others. I meet up with my SL friends, especially my little character's SL girlfriend Rosie who comes from Arizona USA. I love these little friends that I have on SL - they come from all over the place and we have really good chats about all sorts of stuff. Sometimes it is so funny I role about laughing, other times it is very sad, other times it is serious, sometimes stuff about politics, or often philosophy with my friend Wolf. Most days we have lots of banter and lots of stuff about relationships. We know each other so well - it is frighteningly real at times.
Sarah goes to bed about 10.30 and by the time I get up to bed at about 12.30 she is fast asleep. I climb into bed and lie by her side. I listen to her breathing and thank God for giving me a wife I love and for allowing me to experience this creation.
I am soon fast asleep.

This post has been sent to - One Day in History - see Vicus Scurra for link.

Forty Three Women in 21 Days

Yes, that is the target that he is aiming for. And he is a virgin right now too.
So today we put our new ram in with his ewes. He has 21 days to do his stuff and then we back him up with another ram. The reason we do this is firstly, in case he is firing blanks, and secondly, in case he misses out on any ewes.
So anyway me and my mate Kyle were trimming the ewes feet, and men being men, we were discussing how we would get on faced with the same challenge, but with women not ewes you dirty minded sods. Kyle reckoned he could maybe get half way through the second day no problem. And of course I was thinking, two women a day for three weeks - I'd better take my computer or a good book to help fill in all the spare time.

WAR - FOR WHY

This is a video made by my friend Kelly from Arizona, who I met in Second Life.
It made me cry.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2286920372780429587&hl=en

Bollocks, this should do it.

What can I say that's gonna change the world? Do you believe all that bollocks about a grain of sand?
The world is the world is the world. Ever changing but always the same.
Thus spake Sri Gobshiteananda

Bollocks, didn't quite make it long enough

This should do it - back shortly with a totally rivetting post (not).

Enough is enough

Sorry everyone, got to change the front page. Fed up of looking at that skanky little foetus now.

Pebbles's baby

Pebbles miscarried at four and a half months. She is absolutely fine.

It was a little filly foal.

Isn't nature incredible.

Friends, moi!

Since I started blogging and SL I haven't watched telly and I haven't read the papers. I very occasionally listen to the radio in the car (which by the way I drive as little as possible to minimise my carbon footprint - yeah I know, I'm an annoying environmentalist geek) but that is often so dull I whack a CD on. I am pretty out of touch with the media but I am still alive and having fun.

What is interesting is the number of friends I have in my three different worlds. And do you know, it's pretty much the same in each. In RL I have my missus who is my no.1 buddy who I share my life with, and then maybe three or four other people who I know I can turn to if I need to, like say if I needed some real big favour, and then maybe I have another dozen people who I am always happy to see and stop and spend some time with, so that's about fifteen people in all.

In Blogland I have Vicus who I always visit because he is my old buddy and when he is on form no-one can touch him (not that you'd want to), and then I have links to 16 more blogs, which is really about all I can cope with. There are a few others like First Nations and Piggy and Tazzy who I do want to link to, so that will make 19 in all - there's just an infinite supply of good blogs isn't there.

In SL I have four very close friends, who when we are online, just meet and chat all the time about pretty much everything. Then I have a bunch of maybe another ten aquaintances that I am really happy to spend my time with too. So that is 14 in total.

So what I am getting to is that my ideal social circle seems to be round about the 15 mark. Any more than that and I just can't give the attention needed to make it work properly. But most of all, to all of you out there who think I am a miserable grumpy old git, look at all the friends I've got - how nice is that!

And I wrote a whole post without swearing once - just for you Pammy!

Cherrypie, I cant get to put a comment on your blog.

Oh Babe, you are the most wasted totty on earth. There's some fucking stupid man somewhere having all the same feelings as you are.

Go Visit

http://romer365.blogspot.com/

Top post Anna

Helpful Twats

So don't try and tell me there is anything more important in this life than love. I had a blazing row on SL with this arrogant little shit who said I was a waste of space because I had no goals for my future. Little fucker, I nearly punched his lights out except I didn't know which keys to press.
And on top of all that the girl I was talking to flounced off too, saying it is a sin to not have goals. What the hell is that all about - is it some American thing or what!
Anyway, it got me thinking - that's what I do when I'm angry. And I do have a goal, and do you know what it is. I try to be a nice bloke NOW, and that is it.
And now I'm going to tell you what that little shit said that he is doing that is so great. He is planning to make something which will help mankind. And he is planning to make sure that when he dies he doesn't look back on his life and think it has been as insignificant as most people's lives that come on to the planet. And he wants people to know who he is and about the contribution he has made. Little twat - I haven't spat blood like that in years.
If you look at all the problems in this world they pretty much all come from twats like that. Quit trying to help me thank you very much, and if you must try and help me, then please, stop what you are doing with your crazy mind and start to feel that love in your heart. That my friend is the help this world needs.
Uuugghh - breath now.

The Missing Photo - at last!

Sorry guys, but surely you didn't think those tiny bollocks were mine.

A day on Dartmoor with a horny beast

Pictures of the Horny Beast

'I've enjoyed my day on Darmoor with a horny beast', said the missus as we drove back from Widecombe Fair today.

'Me too Babe', I replied.

We didn't win a single rosette - the judge didn't like our sheep today. But anyway we had a good laugh with our farmer friends. And as promised, here is a photo of me - not the greatest I know, but hey I'm not vain, not very anyway.

Sharing the build-up

I'll give you a clue guys.The main excitement is going to be a picture of me (sadly for the ladies, I will be fully clothed). The post will also include a full report with photos, of Widecombe Fair, our local village show. We will be there tomorrow showing some of our sheep.

Just so that you can share in the tension of the build up to the event, I will briefly tell you now about the sheep classes we will be entering. The breed we keep are White face Dartmoor's - they are a local minority breed with approximately thirty flocks in the whole world, all in this part of Devon. We are entering the pair of ewe lambs class, the pair of 2 tooth ewes class (one year old), and the pair of old ewe class. Unfortunately I didn't enter the Ram class but I can tell you, and there will be photographic evidence to back this up, they are very very horny indeed!

So get ready everyone!

I'm off for a couple of days

Just wanted to refresh my blog from that stale old post. Nothing to say but I will be back monday night with a hugely exciting post, I promise.
Thank you for reading my stuff.

Full on sex in Second Life!

On a 14" screen your avatar in SL is between two and four inches tall. You can design how he/she looks, how tall you want to be, how muscly, or how beautiful or ugly. You can select your own wardrobe, and if you like you can go out and buy designer clothes for yourself. You can also choose to be a non-human if you prefer.

As you can see by the photo I still live in the woods. I spend a lot of time here but quite a few people pass by so I have a reasonably busy social life. My main friend is still Wolf who hangs out here quite a bit too. Surprise surprise, it's not that much different to Real Life really - there are a whole bunch of people who are basically hanging out for relationships and sex. So I realised this quite early on (I'm perceptive me) and, being a bit of a 'Holy Jo', actually thought about pulling the plug on the whole thing. But I've hung in there and actually met some really cool people.

Anyway, as time has gone by I've worked out how this sex thing works - it is actually unbelievable, but the longer you hang out here it just kind of becomes normal. Scary huh! When you arrive in SL you have a one-dimensional skin and everyone can see that you are a newbie. After a while I went and bought a new skin because I could tell it was holding things up with the people I was meeting. While I was in the shop I clocked that you could also buy male genitalia. I got the very same with my new skin but not one that works. For extra money you can buy yourself, for want of a better word, a male member that actually works. They didn't tell everyone about that in The Observer article did they.

Even more bizarre, you get a control panel to drive it, and you can set it up to perform to your requirements. You can also set it up to be controlled by your partner.

So how does the actual mechanics of SL sex work - is anyone still reading this? Well, I went with one of my friends - by the way, she bought me this cowboy suit, it's cool isn't it - to a dance and I've managed to suss the whole thing out. In SL there are areas where you can find little coloured blobs, and if you activate them your avatar does what the blobs are programmed to do. So to dance with my friend I had to activate a blue blob and she activated a red blob, and then we were programmed to dance together. We moved from different dance to different dance - it was fun. So there you are - that's how it works. I'm presuming that in the same way that you can do different dances by clicking on different blobs, you can also, you know, do different things....

How strange is all that then, and it's all happening on a screen near you. Thank God I'm not some kind of weirdo who gets caught up in that kind of crap!
Love to all.

Dancing like my Dad

Well guys, I'm back from the wedding and actually, I enjoyed it. I wore my shoes in the church and then changed into my sandals, handmade by the local man-hating woman's co-operative, for the reception.
The wedding went well and the bride looked beautiful. There was a superb Welsh choir singing in the ceremony and to be honest, for a second there, my naturally cynical approach to almost everything almost melted away. The reception was fun too. My youngest son, the best man, who is on the verge of stand-up, had everyone really going with his speech. In the evening there was a great covers band and with only a little help from minor stimulants I actually took to the dancefloor. Of course, I now dance like my Dad so it was important not to stay there too long. It was a five minute token gesture on my behalf, but had there been a little more Quo I would have definitely stayed a little longer - why oh why is everyone so snobby about the Quo - I love them.
So yesterday we played cricket in the garden all day long. Such good fun but boy, today I feel like I've been bale-carting for a week. I am knackered.

Bollocks to You...part two

Thank you all for commenting on my godforsaken blog. I am truly sorry I am such a grouchy old bastard.
This weekend I am off to my son's wedding. I am forbidden from wearing my birkenstocks but I have won the small concession of not having to wear a tie. As the years go by I am losing my edge - maybe that is why I am getting a bit grumpy. I just wanted to explain that underneath all the grumpyness is a really nice person - Vicus will vouch for that.
Anyway, got to go and do a load of jobs now for the missus. See you in a few days.
Love you all.
Mr Grumpy